BPDFamily.com

I have been with a man for nearly four years. I met him and was extremely vulnerable. I've been going through life changing health problems, and am due heart surgery only last week. I think I may have been the victim of domestic abuse but I have been left feeling very confused. I suffer with anxiety anyway, and have been struggling to eat, sleep etc since our final argument on 11th March.

I'd just like to get some opinions.

Last October I realised I was being used as a doormat to horrendous temper tantrums. He would publicly try to shame and humiliate me in public. I would end up crying and leaving. His favourite one is that I didn't do anything for him. I worked hard setting him up in his own business, designing all his logos, doing all his invoices, and when he was in trouble with the law organising all his court papers.

I fell and fractured my hand during an argument (he wanted to go out at 5pm which meant he would be so drunk by 7 we would have to go home). I asked could we go in an hour as he was going on holiday with friends the next day but he got very angry. After I fell I was in some much pain I asked him could he take me to a&e but he started shouting saying I wouldn't control him.

I wanted to leave to make him take note of his behaviour but nothing I did seemed to work. I moved out of our house, stopped seeing him very much but his abuse and temper got worse. Finally on the 11th of March he publicly ended our relationship. He then for the next week or more slandered me, told the world my private business. After 3 days he wanted to be friends - I said I still loved him and needed some space as I couldn't just go out and act like strangers after just days. Then I left to stay with relatives as I was so distressed. He text saying he couldn't stop thinking about me. I didn't try and get him back even though I love him so much.

Then we met a couple of times and ended up having sex, but he told me straight afterwards he didn't want me, and how it was all my fault I'd blown it etc. I tried yet again to be friends but discovered that last Friday I was meant to be seeing some friends (he's almost 100%) isolated me from everyone. He found out and started to verbally abuse me so I got so upset and said I wasn't going. I found out later, that whilst we were building a friend ship he had gone with MY friends and not told me. I told him I felt betrayed and he sent me a text saying I don't owe you an apology for anything. I know I'm insane but i want him back. What's the chances of him being in contact with me again? I'm so lost and messed up I don't know how to live without him. Has he even done anything wrong?

People with BPD feel immense inner shame. To cope, it's projected onto others. It sounds like he's shaming you in many ways. Do you feel safe?

Even though part of you logically sees the abuse, your emotional side is still attached. It can be very hard to see this so fresh out (in?) a relationship.  Maybe this discussion can help. DV isn't always physical:

TOOLS: Domestic Violence Against Women (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61403.0)

You said that you've been isolated. Is there anyone safe you can talk to?

Turkish