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So my exBPDgf and I are on the music service Spotify. She had cancelled it a while back, but last week I noticed her playlists were back.

I've noticed a pattern the past two weeks, after Game of Thrones lol, she goes on Spotify and loads her playlist with sad songs about regret, heart ache and break ups. I can only assume, Game of Thrones is a trigger for her. We would call each other after every episode and talk about it. But at the same time, I know things didn't work out with the replacement.

Could these songs be about me, or him, or both of us? I've been full NC for about a month now, and I get the feeling that the recycle could be coming soon. I'm trying to prepare myself mentally for this. Perhaps I'm reading too much into it, but the music we listen to can sometimes be a window to what we are thinking.

Do any of you guys and gals have any thoughts? I KNOW I shouldn't be checking out her playlists. But yeah, couldn't help it. Lol.

I did the same thing as you - kept looking at their playlist lol

The songs seemed to reveal a lot.  It was also at a time when I was LC, so I knew the songs correlated to how the pwBPD was feeling due to my contact with them, and knowing some things that were happening in their life.

There were a number of songs that I believe related to me, the lyrics were eerie, and I felt sad about it as most of them were about depression and wanting someone they couldn't have.  I recall one song they were listening to at the time I really put boundaries and distance in place... ."You're a mirror I cannot avoid" with these lyrics:

And if you''re gone

An endless false alarm

Just remember I loved you

As long as I could

Ugh it broke my heart at the time!

I stopped looking at the playlist because, for me, it really told a story of a broken person.  A person that I could no longer help.  So I stopped.

I definitely believe there is insight into seeing what songs they are listening to :)

 

Hi Dhand77


What do you have in mind?:)

To inform her in a validating way, that I have no desire to be in a relationship with ANYONE at this time. I'm trying to figure out a way to do this, when the inevitable recycle attempt happens.

Your plan sounds like it should work to get your message across without setting her off. Sorry Dhand77 I haven't been following if you've recycled or not. How have those times been going for you?

Luckily, none in the 4 years we were together. I maintained catering to her needs for a really, really long time. Right now, I'm painted fairly black I think at the moment. Hell, I just had to walk by her a few minutes ago(we work at the same place). Lol. I don't wanna pat myself on the back, but I look great today. New haircut, new clothes. I did my best not to look in her direction, but I could feel the glare the entire time. So yeah, I'm pretty sure I'm still blacker than midnight. Lol.

I'm just trying to figure out a way, that when the recycle does happen, she stops with the vindictiveness of her post break up actions. To let her go in a manner that validates our time together, but doesn't just blatantly say: "No I don't want you back, you crazy person."