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I'm finishing up some of my prep work for our session today. 

Quick history is that the past two sessions have been pretty hard on her with very specific direction for behaviors she was to change (such as talking to nobody but God after 10pm to make sure she is being quiet)

Amazingly the "poof" happened when she approached me middle of last week and apologized and asked forgiveness for not talking to me when I had spoken to her and she ignored me. 

I'll fill in more details later tonight after session or tomorrow. 

Very nice to have the temperature down in house for a while.

FF

It sounds like you are saying that she is being 'genuine nice' and not 'out to prove I am a nice FFw nice?' Or a 'nice because FFw is up to something nice.'

Interesting, wow!

I'm happy for you to have some peace!

It is nice but, in my experience, doesn't last.  The abusive behavior is likely to return.  Suggest you be careful, ff.  LuckyJim

I have no idea if genuine or a plot.  Likely she doesn't either.

We each have a bunch of written stuff to submit, once I get a look at hers, I may have a better idea of what she was thinking (or says she was thinking) for the last week or so.

FF

Fair enough.  I like that you are questioning whether it's genuine or a smokescreen.  Keep us posted!  LJ

1. YAY! Happy for you.

2. LJ's comment about whether it would last... .yes, her moods and attitudes will shift... .but I prefer to believe that they are genuine when they are there (good or bad)... .and that genuine doesn't mean permanent.

3. Quick... .now that the constant conflict and simmering bad attitudes are gone... .look for things you can do and say which validate her more... .as a big part of your long-term marriage improvement plan. She's receptive, so it should be much easier to do now!

Well said, Grey Kitty.  That's the point I was trying to make.

Also agree with your suggestion to seize the moment when things are on an even keel.  Now is a good time for validation.

LuckyJim

Therapy was yesterday?  You got to see her written homework?

 

Yep, saw her homework.  There were three times she talked about focusing on Romans 8:28 when I "inconvenienced her".

Basically, instead of lashing out at me, she though to herself "why has God allowed this into my life, for my good".



1.  She found a box that I had place in front of her dresser and it perturbed her because she has asked me not to place things there.  Instead of lashing out she focused on the verse.

2.  She discovered one night that a kid didn't have pants to wear for next day, instead of lashing out she did a load of laundry herself and focused on verse.

3.  She focused on verse as she cleaned up garage to get ready for a yard sale.  She believes it was my duty to have garage ready for her purposes.

She seems genuine in her efforts  and her behavior has changed

The psychologist I see each week cautioned me to focus on actual behavior change and not to be "too ready" for her to "switch back".  She acknowledged that I have been burned many times but said that if I focused to much on readiness for "being black again" that my wife would pick up on that.

More in a bit.

FF

Our homework this week.  The biggest new item is a writing assignment on an article we are supposed to read.

Both read and meditate on the following article. FF write out in about ½ page how you plan to use the truth in the article to quiet your noisy, anxious soul. FF wife write out in about ½ page how you plan to use the truth in the article to quiet your demanding, critical spirit.

I added the bold. 

I agree with the counselors description of my spirit and my wife's.  I would say there is a lot going on in there (he says noisy) and I would say I have seen a lot of things "go south" (he would say anxious).

Demanding and critical speaks for itself.

FF