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Title: Falling through shifting grounds love destruct Post by: Beautifullmess on May 02, 2016, 08:06:17 PM Hitting bottom with my now ex girlfriend. Would be 5 years August, not certain that we can withstand each others presences. It's hard loving another. Giving the best you can give whilst trying to give yourself the best aswell. I'm 22 still feeling the age in and hate that I've become an adult so soon. Every year gets tougher, as it usually does but the BPD seems to grow stronger along the way taking my baby. Little did I realize she had more to love and more to hate. This is the longest relationship we both have ever had and I don't know if I really want to put myself through any more toxic love but I hate to feel I can't let her go and find unsuspecting hurt. She was a cutter not the time she was with me and still struggles with severe depression and rage and takes too many medications I know most aren't doing her any good. I think she's sick of me but cares deep down I do know this because I saw it in her eyes. She has blocked me almost anywhere we had our contact before and might have changed her number. We both suffer from PTSD and were both raped; separate situations, different "men". We are a lot alike but I have taught myself to restrain from such impulsive behavior unlike her, she just can't. I also fear her adoptive mother brainwashes her in ways and isn't fond of her being gay. She grew up believing she was a psychophrenic tendencies with bipolar 2. Sees free county doctors and don't bother dosing her up on plenty differently pyschotropics and sleep meds to tranquilizer a horse. But I have tried to talk and it does by do any good, I'm getting walked on by the one I love(d). Maybe she's better off without me. I just can't help feeling I can help her. Everyone that is close to her doesn't see what I see. Please help. Any wisdom anything you can offer me even opinion or whatever I'm listening with my eyes.I love this girl even if it I may be miserably happy. Title: Re: Falling through shifting grounds love destruct Post by: livednlearned on May 03, 2016, 08:28:23 PM Hi Beautifullmess,
Welcome and hello :) I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through, it's a lot for your age. Becoming an adult is tough, and 22 can be a hard year in particular because the world begins to expect more, whether you are ready or not to adjust to those expectations. You love this woman, and have been together a long time, plus you both suffer from PTSD. You've done the hard work to restrain impulsive behavior and that is to be commended -- overcoming impulsivity is not easy. What is difficult about both partners having PTSD or BPD is that the emotional rollercoaster may be pretty much constant, with a lot of triggering and reacting. It may seem normal, even if it is exhausting. What led to the break? Did she end it? How long since you last talked to each other? It is not likely you can help someone who isn't looking for help, though you can do things to take care of yourself and build up strength, as well as learn skills to mitigate conflict if/when you two reconcile. A helpful book that explains some of the dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT) skills and communication tools is the High Conflict Couple by Alan Fruzetti. I believe he also discusses validation, which is one of the cornerstone skills that many of us have learned to use with loved ones who feel fundamentally invalidated. Validation is essentially acknowledging and accepting how someone feels, even if you may not necessarily agree with the content of what is being said. If someone feels sad about being alone, it does not matter if she is not technically alone (since you are right there). What matters is the feeling of being alone. I hope you'll share with us when you feel comfortable posting more about your situation. The end of a relationship, especially one that has been fraught with fighting and intensity, can feel so overwhelming and confusing. We are here to walk alongside you as you work through this painful time. LnL |