BPDFamily.com

I'm putting together a settlement offer for my wife as I prepare to file for divorce. My proposal includes me keeping the house but buying out her share of the equity as part of the cash settlement. The settlement needs to be an equivalent division of assets. I don't know what to put down as a valuation of the home to use as a basis for figuring out its cash value in the settlement. I have the tax valuation from the county, but it's very low. It seems premature to get my own appraisal, though I can imagine that might be ordered by the court or negotiated during mediation. Do I just put down a guesstimate or is there a method I can follow?

For your purposes now it is okay to use the county tax value or perhaps the Zillow value.  DO NOT overvalue.

In the case of our divorce, my wife put down the county tax value which I felt was high.  But she was going to get the equity in the house.  When I spoke to my attorney, he said if she is happy with her number let her have it.  As is usually the case with pwBPD, she was extremely detached from reality, and 4 months after the divorce ended up selling it for $30,000 less than she had put down, which was right where I thought it should be.

Remember, as you go through this process, your are officially relieved of your duty of protecting your pwBPD from themselves.  Right now your job is to take care of yourself.

And yes if the two of you substantially disagree, you will end up getting one or two appraisals anyway.

Thank you -- that's helpful!

My divorce took three years.  In the first year, I had to get the house appraised. Xh L gave a couple of appraisers to use. First L told me to just pick one and split the cost with then h. But right after L gave me the choice I had switched L's. New L was familiar with the appraisers and did not like either one. He recommended one and told me not to split the cost , just pay it.  So I got the house appraised . Then three years later near the end, trying to settle before trial, xh contested the appraisal.  So he got his own appraisal by a different appraiser.  Then I had to get an updated appraisal ( cost was half of original because they had much info on the house already, just needed new comps )  the reason I had to get an updated appraisal was because the court goes on 'current market value', not from three years prior. And also the divorce master would use the middle of the two.

Not the tax records value ,not the purchase price value. The current market value is also not necessarily what it would sell for either.

I used the county's assessment.  My ex used the appraisal from a few years before.  Lawyers agreed to split the difference.  Then 2008 hit hard and eventually both court assessment and appraisals dropped.  No harm in using the county assessments but since it has a reputation of historically being on the low side you can expect stbEx to want an appraisal.  It will all work out eventually, so which figures you use don't have to start off "overly fair".

One of our good qualities, wanting to be fair, can sabotage us during a divorce from an entitled, demanding spouse.  Be aware that court doesn't expect us — or the stbEx! — to go the extra mile to be fair.

Thanks for the input, ugh, whirlpoollife, and ForeverDad. What I'm hearing is that I can use the figure I have in front of me -- the tax valuation -- as my starting point, with the expectation that she can challenge it and insist upon an appraisal in negotiation. That seems reasonable.