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I ran into my pregnant exBPD/npd while out getting a Mother's Day card. She doesn't live to far away. I haven't seen my pregnant ex since February 17th at a doc appt. I was very shocked because not seeing her and seeing how much bigger her belly was, I was like wth? I'm very sad and felt sick after seeing her. We didn't talk but exchanged looks...

It's very hard on me not being involved and having my ex be silent since a child is involved. I don't know what to do. My T told me I had to remain NC because it's chaos every time we interact. I want to text her so bad and talk to her. I want to be by her side after seeing her. I want to be at the birth of the child,but as of now I'm not allowed at anything.

Sorry I had to vent.

Well  :)  it is quite natural for a pregnant woman to grow a bigger belly in almost 3 months  :)


What is it that makes you feel sad? And what is it that made you feel sick?


What about listening to your T? Chaos is not helpful. Have you thought about why contact leads to chaos? Have you read the lessons on this site on communication?

You can't be by her side if she doesn't want you there. You can't force someone to communicate if they don't want to. And it is always the right of the mother to determine who is at the birth, BPD or not.

But first things first: DNA test. All of the above is null and void if the child is not yours.

If you are in the US drummerboy you had better read this for legal implications of paternity www.americanpregnancy.org/prenatal-testing/paternity-testing/

Basically if you don't get the DNA test done in time and she puts your name on the birth certificate you're legally responsible for the child even if it turns out later you're not the father.

Ok, she CAN NOT put you on a birth certificate unless you are there. Do you live in the United States? If so that's how it goes. If your ex is anything like mine you need an attorney because she'll probably not let you see your own child. You should take legal action against her. I know how sick it makes you. I have been there and my god it ripped my heart out. Please be proactive and do not wait.

Yes in the US and you are correct she ca n not just sign my name. My heart strings are been pulled on right now. I think you are right that she won't let me see the child as she always referred to the child as hers not our since day one. I'm going for request DNA test  and go from there. I just really want to feel the child kick and move ya know?

That hurts! I keep wondering how I will handle it. I'm sure he would want to talk. Maybe. I want to be able to ignore him. It would be best in my case. I'd feel sick too- I understand

Yea I'm still sad. I just wanted to be included in the pregnancy even tho I had to leave the relationship... It's been a battle the last 7 months and a lot of silence on her part... I guess I just don't get why any women wouldn't want the so called father of the child around if he was willing to be around? It's ok tho I'll get over it and move forward with time

Is she punishing you for some reason? Is this a push/pull thing? Is there someone else? Could she not be ready for that type of a relationship? She can always hold this over you, so don't worry- you'll be involved when she wants you to be.

I proposed in December and she treated me like crap so after that and months of verbal abuse I left... I tried to be there for her but she doesn't want me around. I don't think there is anyone else and I think she is punishing me for leaving.ive only seen her twice since break up in December... Talked to her through text maybe 10 times. She blocks all contact and will reach out every months or so being hateful and mean then right back to being blocked

Have you been attempting to make contact?

Not in the last month. My T told me to go NC because every time I try and check on her it starts a fight and does no good

If this child is yours, waiting for her to let you will be a nightmare. Do me a favor, read my story on here. Don't wait. Take court action. I won custody of my baby. She ran away thinking she was "punishing" me. Now she pays for child support and I make all the calls as to when she can visit. I know how you feel. All I wanted was a family to come home to.

Ive read your stories and must say you went through a lot! My ex BPD/npd had me so convinced with all her bs lies that I'm just now starting to put things together. Example of bs. She said she wouldn't put pics or details about the baby on fb and she didn't with her first child either. Lie I've seen pics of her first child's baby shower on fb. Why is she hiding this child?

When we were together I remember sitting next to her and she had fb messenger open and let me tell you it was all men she was talking to. Hundreds of men from fb. She only had one female friend and the rest were men or guys she's dated  red-flag... Around the time she got prego we just got back together after a week apart. The next day after our reunion my friend sent me a snap shot from fb of my ex and another man out on a date and the time stamp was the day before we got back together.

She called me names said I was a pos and would find a better man to be the father. My T told me to reach out to her family, so I did via fb. Months went by and no response until one day I got a message request from her gma... I opens it thinking hey she got my message. Nope it was my ex. Why would my ex be on her gmas fb? She was pissed and said I am now her enemy. What is she trying to hide from her family? Why doesn't she want me to contact them? It's all weird in my book and I think my ex has a few guilty pleasures she's trying to hide to the world about our relationship and the child.

Or she has a guilty conscience and the baby isn't yours but from this other guy on FB.

Stop paying for stuff until you know if the baby is yours.

Agreed! I have cut all funds.

That was my thought too.  Is she hiding things because the baby isn't yours?

I've wondered that for the last 7 months. It's been nerve racking having those thoughts. In my mind no matter what arguments have gone on, if you have a man wanting to be around and be supportive during a pregnancy no matter if together or not,what woman wouldn't want him around? A guilty woman or a woman punishing the man because he left due to verbal abuse? She was the one pushing marriage, is it because that's what she really wanted or was it because being married before the child is born would automaticly make me the father through the court system? Was getting married a cover up so I wouldn't think anything about the paternity of the child? Nothing would surprise me lol

No one will ever know her true reasoning lol her family thinks the child is mine or did before we split up.

A BPD's bed never gets cold. If she tells you the baby is not yours, BELIEVE HER!

She has always referred to me as the father besides not including me in the naming of child or allowing me around lol. She always referred to the child as hers which don't surprise me as the child is more of an object to her. Like I said it's all just been a confusing time for me. Her actions are different from her words. I do not like feeling this way or having doubts, but I'm human and have been cut 100% out of the pregnancy. If I bring up anything about going through the courts system to protect my rights she gets upset and blocks all contact...

Oh well few more months and my worrying and doubts will be over  

Get yourself legal advice now. Don't wait. DNA testing can easily be done before birth as the link I posted explains.