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Title: Obsessed with the gaslights Post by: Jacidrinkswine on May 07, 2016, 05:08:19 PM I have broken up and moved out of state from my ex with BPD. For some time she has told me wild stories about a former life of prostiutuion and the mafia. I have tried extensively to prove or disprove these outlandish stories. I have caught her in hundreds of lies. She appears to be the last person involved with pimps and prostittion. A 38 year old Jewish mother from the ues of Manhattan. Now that I have left she claimed her former pimps have stalked her and attacked her. She wants me just as a friend to help her with this problem. She just started dbt and swears she is done lying. I don't believe the stories but a part of me is obsessed that some part may be true. Please share if you have advice. Much appreciated.
Title: Re: Obsessed with the gaslights Post by: balletomane on May 07, 2016, 06:26:26 PM Whether it's true or it isn't, it is not your responsibility to save her. Stories about the mafia sound extremely unlikely to be true. In the unlikely event that she really is being stalked by pimps, she needs to contact the police or a women's refuge - people who are actually able to help her. Your support would make little to no difference in such a situation, and frankly it sounds like a way to reel you back in.
Just as a clarification, lying or fabricating stories isn't the same as gaslighting. Gaslighting means denying reality (things you both witnessed) in such a way as to make you doubt your own sanity and judgment. For example, my ex told me that he had apologised to me multiple times and I'd never said sorry to him once, even though I was the one who had hurt him countless times. It was the other way round, but he was so convincing and indignant that I actually looked at our IM transcripts and Skype records to see if I could possibly have forgotten these apologies of his and imagined all of mine. Without that written proof, I might have been tricked and trapped by the gaslighting. |