BPDFamily.com

Person löst his job, probably because of drinking. He had a week or so of not contacting anyone. I found him in bed, depressed, sober. After a couple of days sitting in silence beside him... he went the other way, became hyperactive and started to drink again. He also became friendly and understanding, we had some good talks and I began to feel he could make improvements in his life. I support him, help out, but do not take responsibility. He stopped drinking again and got sick. The last 3 days I have been with him and offered help needed, bought food etc, but kept quiet. I find it difficult to have no contact (he doesn't speak much when not feeling good) so I chat to neighbours or go to the cafe. Now he has got up, ate what I bought without offering me any, barked at me for making myself something to eat, put his shoes on and gone out. Barked at me when I didn't understand what he said. He would have left without telling me where he was going. Now I understand he is feeling bad but I'm really fed up of being understanding right now. And yet it is a really imprtant time for him... .he has to get his drinking under control. Won't help if I start making him feel worse. What to do... .?

I know what to do really. Validate, empathise and tell the truth... .but it has to be at the right moment. I actually made a slightly critical comment in front of other people, remained calm, he improved slightly and was not as unpleasant... .and the game goes on. Tomorrow he says he will call a therapist. Let's see. But sometimes I doubt myself, and though I realise this is a serious mental illness, it is hard not to feel used. And I am the only person close to him. If I am not there, no one is. And I can't talk to anyone about it.