BPDFamily.com

I've been in a relationship with a woman for almost two years. She is going through a divorce and I am recently divorced. I adore this woman. Every few weeks she starts telling me that I am not the man she thought I was. She focuses on a couple of items in the past. She used to threaten to give me back the cell phone I bought her. Now she lives in a rental house I own and she threatens to move out. I believe she is in pain and has an issue. I want to find a way to stay with her and God willing help her too.

Text she sent me after having a great day yesterday;

I need a strong man that is satisfied by me, not by me and other women that give him attention. A man that would die before leaving me, a man that believes in me, and would never manipulate me or other people for personal gain, I thought that man was you but it's not

One moment she is mad about me, then I get this for a few days.

I think it would be really hard for anyone on this site to tell you she has BPD. She might she might not. She could have BPD traits or some other issues. If she is showing signs of BPD my advice would be to set firm boundaries with now ( if you want to stay with her) or you will pay for it with a broken heart later...

What does setting boundaries look like? When she has these episodes (about once a month) do I just stay away? She is dealing with a very hard divorce and her teen girls rely on me a lot for homework, support

Since you want to stay with her, next time she talks to you that way just tell her you are sorry she feels that way but that you won't  tolerate her saying those things to you.do not I repeat do not tell her that what she says hurts your feelings! If she knows it's hurts you she will use it against you. She may fight you or go silent for a few hrs, but you've got to put your foot down to stop the behavior. She will test you but stay firm and stand your ground!

You may want to take a look at the lessons to the right of the Improving Board. Here is a thread on boundaries you may find helpful:

BOUNDARIES: Upholding our values and independence (https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries)

What do you say when she tells you things like that?

I don't argue or yell. I usually plea my case. This was my reply to her text:

You are an amazing woman that I have incredible faith and belief in. Each day I become better by being close to yoU.

Today she is in her ignoring me phase. She does this every time. Is this part of the pattern?

Going silent is one thing pwBPD do. Some pwBPD act out some act in. Acting out BPD will rage and fight. Acting in may rage a little but from my experience with my exBPD/npd she may get upset but goes completely quite for months.When my ex was on meds she would say nasty things but wouldn't disappear. Now she's off meds she's just gone!It's really hard to say about your gf because I have seen her behaviors first hand. My advice would be to just let her do her quite act and wait for her to reach out to you. If you try and talk to her during this time it could trigger her to be quite longer or it could make her rage out at you...

She doesn't really rage. When she is this way she speaks very calmly and coldly

She was living with her husband for the first year of our relationship. He was an abusive husband and it took a long time to get things in order financially. She brings up tough moments we had during that time over and over during these bad periods.