BPDFamily.com

Hello coping and healing board,

As I stated in my last independent post I had to block my mother on my phone yesterday.

I am still in shock over the horrible things she said to me. She was very upset that my fiancé had talked to my father about what I had gone through with her and accused me of lying. She told me I was the abusive one and reminded me of all the things she thought I did as a teenager. I couldn't believe the terrible things she was saying to me. Some of them were lies like stating that I smoked cigarettes in my room. I never did that.

My mom definitely poisoned my brother and my aunt against me although my brother listens to me when I correct him about what she said about me. My aunt on the other hand has totally bought my mother's story hook, line and sinker.

I don't know where to go from here with my mother. My father suggested my fiancé talk to her about PTSD among other things. My mom thinks I'm making my PTSD up and that I am lazy. I told my fiancé she is not going to listen to him because she is the one who caused my PTSD but on the other hand my father took notes when my fiancé was talking to him about my condition. My fiancé told me my father tried to share his notes with her about my condition and she didn't want to hear it!

My mother left me this vicious voice mail on Saturday that I shared with my fiancé because i thought I shouldn't listen to it. He confirmed I shouldn't. My fiancé also told me that my father could hear her yelling at me on the phone from upstairs in their house. I told my father he never protected me from her, that that was his job to do so and that he failed me. Instead he protected her from me because he bought into her lies about me.

I have a viable relationship with my father although my fiancé warns me that my father is outgunned by my mother.

I'm going to try to see my father this week. I'm not giving up on him.

I didn't call my mother on mother's day nor send her a card. I do plan on sending my father a card on father's day and possible making him a gift as well.

I am so sad I am going through this. It almost makes me want to throw up.

On a positive note I had a wonderful mother's day with my daughter. She brought me breakfast in bed and drew out my life for me from when I was a belly dancer as a teenager to her as a surfer now, with the story of my pregnancy, c-section, her infancy and childhood in between. I am an artist and it makes me very happy to see my daughter developing her artistic talent as well. My mother is also an artist which makes this whole things so very painful. Then my daughter and I went to see a movie with my ex and he brought me a mother's day present. I briefly alluded to what my mother did to me but my ex and my mother have always liked each other so I tread lightly there.

I really do want to vomit when I tell my story... .   I wonder what the barfy emoticon is for. Probably this.  :'( I also feel cold.

It sounds like you had a great day with your daughter!  It might help you to build strong mothers day traditions with her, so that you always have that positivity to focus on.

Unfortunately, your fiance is right about your dad. He has committed to a long term relationship with your mom and he probably will just bury his head further into the sand. My mom complained constantly about my dad to me before I went no contact, but now she is dead silent because I have taken the leap and removed myself from the situation.

Thank you starting over. I do have a relationship with my dad and I intend to keep it that way.