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For those that have recovered, how did you feel as you were becoming stronger within?

I ask this question because for the last week I have been acting different, for me.  It is almost like I reached some tipping point within myself.  I have pushed back instinctively when my wife has tried to push blame on me.  I did not feel guilty for various things that I would normally have been self-absorbed with.  Yes, I was wrong for a few things, but they are truly minor.  She may have wanted me to feel really bad about them, but too bad for her.

One thought that hit me was that I have taken the blame for many, many more things than I needed over the years to the point that I can do wrongs and have already paid my debt, with interest.  lol  For some reason, I have eaten enough Fear and Guilt to have developed a distaste for them.

My T was pleased that I pushed back with my wife.  I was pleased that I did it without thought.  I am feeling a bit giddy about it too.

I feel more free.  In fact, I have not felt this free since before I met my wife.  Maybe the first time at this point?

Hey Zon, Like what you're saying.  I'm sure you have taken more than your share of the blame.  I did.  Beware of F-O-G (fear, obligation and guilt) which are the tools a pwBPD uses to manipulate a Non.  Once you notice the pattern, it starts to lose its power over you, as you are finding out.  Keep up the good work!  LJ

Thank you, Lucky Jim.  I bet you did receive your fair share of blame too.  Beware?  Oh yeah!  I watch out for it.  Fear and Guilt are my primary weaknesses.  Obligation is something I have always truly disliked, even before I met her, so I focus on the other two.  Still, I watch out for Obligation.

Until now, I have typically noticed the pattern long *AFTER* the encounter.  I am happy that I am finally pushing back *DURING* them.  I am sure I will slip, but I am pleased with forward progress which seems to be coming faster now.  :)

Did it feel that way to you too where you felt you had finally reached the point where it would become easier to improve yourself?  "I think I can" finally became "I thought I could".

Sure, I received plenty of blame!  Sad thing is, I thought I deserved it.  My BPDxW had convinced me that I was the cause of our problems, which did a number on my self-esteem.

Yes, it was guerrilla warfare and I slowly learned to take back the lost ground.  At the outset of my marriage, I happily gave up an inch here and an inch there, until finally it dawned on me one day that I had given up a mile, whereas my BPDxW had conceded nothing.

Agree, once you make progress you gain confidence, which leads to more progress.  Keep it up, Zon!

LuckyJim