BPDFamily.com

My uBPDw was angry about something this afternoon, yelling at me to take our 5yo daughter and leave the house. I needed a few minutes to get dressed and ready first. That enraged her, and she screamed at me from the bathroom entry door.

I attempted to shut the door and lock her out, but she pushed the door back towards me. I threatened to call the police if she didn't back off and let go, and she mocked me for that. She shoved the door back towards me hard enough to cut the skin on my arm (and bleed). I finally pried her hands off the door jamb - I love her and would not want to hurt her! - and slammed the door and locked it.

She jumped in the car and took off with our daughter, and I called the police. Police asked me questions like my height and weight, her height and weight, was I in danger of serious bodily harm (no), etc. I know they are doing their jobs phenomenally well, it's just hard feeling unsettled, like "who's going to believe me?" in this situation.

Thankfully she just took our daughter to a friend's house. She finally texted me saying there's a counseling appt tonight if I wanted to meet her. I'm going to go.

I feel silly after calling the police after getting a cut on my arm. Especially as I know many of you have legitimately dangerous situations where you have to involve police. I can defend myself (physically, emotionally is another story). But is it bad that I feel like I just have to start reporting incidents like this, where I am very afraid of her, and mostly afraid she might take my daughter and go somewhere? What recourse do I have, as a man, if that day comes and she does take off, telling who knows what story about me? I am not afraid physically, but lately I am terrified emotionally.

You did the right thing, documenting this event. When they dysregulate, you don't know what they're capable of and having a young daughter adds to your worries.

The gender issue aside, I'm sure the police have plenty of experience dealing with women who act out. As you know, it was very wise of you to make sure your wife didn't get injured while she was trying to break into the bathroom.

Some members here have recorded this type of episode, just to document the behavior and protect themselves in the future in case spurious allegations are made. I'm sorry you're dealing with this, but please, don't doubt yourself. You did the right thing.   

She was out of control and irrational and took your daughter on the road. You had every right to call the police.

As far as her injuring you, I would keep my cell on me and when she gets that out of control again, call the police, quietly. That way they will hear her when they approach the house. Tell them she is dangerous and last time cut your arm while trying to force her way in. Male or female, you were in danger!

Definitely did the right thing.  It is a great boundary to set for yourself and it comes with consequences for her that is unpleasant.  If you didn't, she wouldn't have much reason not to do it again.  It'd be a freebie.  Follow up with the cops how you should respond if it happens again while it's fresh in the log.  Get on your local police radar in a good way.  Help them protect you.  Then you can more easily enforce boundaries without the cop monkey on your back.

Thank you for your encouragement, Cat Familiar, Beacher and teapay.

Recording is good advice, as before I married her I never would have believed these stories about her if you told me them. I'm insecure that even my close friends who know about our problems may not believe me. I've done that several times (recorded fights) and uploaded them to my Google drive just in case. Now if only I could keep track of where my darn phone is!

Thank you for listening.

Do NOT let her ever know you recorded her. That was a big mistake I made when I tried to sit down with him to,go over the argument to see where we both went wrong in communicating.he went absolutely crazy on me and hurt me physically.

I'm sorry to hear that, Beacher! I'm pretty sure she would go berserk if she found out I had recorded her, too.

Counseling was weird. I'm pretty sure the T, who is familiar with BPD but isn't trying to diagnose her with anything right now, thinks I'm crazy now for calling the police on her. I just keep thinking that if things don't end well, it will help me if I have a trail of documentation indicating the dysfunction. And many people would say that's "case building" and not healthy for healing the marriage. And neither are recordings, or 2nd bank accounts or mailing addresses, or voice recordings, and all the other ways people cope and plan for their future defense. I don't like it, and I feel alone like I'm trying to justify something nobody can possibly understand but me. But truthfully I've threatened to call the police on her many times before anyway, might as well start following through I guess.