BPDFamily.com

Hi

I m married for 5 years and I realized my husband is BPD. Before I also see his abnormal behavior but I now understand that I tried not to see his illness. For years I isolated myself from my friends and my family because they think my husband is very rude person and other things... But I really tired of fighting him everytime, or I find myself helping him because of his bad feelings. Our life is not developing but we have troubles with banks etc... He is using drugs and spending money without thinking... I need help what can I do because I have 4 years old child.

Welcome Librecellule

it is depressing watching your life to seemingly slip away without any real progress on any fronts. What you describe is certainiy the typical pattern.

It changes us slowly from the person we once were to someone we struggle to even justify to ourselves.

What you done is spent too much time excusing his disorder rather than accepting it. This creates an enabling environment and consolidates the dysfunction, and you feel like you tipped your very essence into a black hole with nothing to show for it.

To turn this around you need to rediscover, and redefine, yourself as a stand  alone individual. Start by reconnecting with friends and family, do not make excuses for him other than he has "problems', he is not a reflection on you.

Lack of regulation in all things, emotional, physical, financial etc is linked. You will not stop that, only contain areas that have a detrimental effect. Most likely you wil need to take greater charge of the finances.

Has he ever seen a therapist at all in regards to his issues, or is this something you have investigated yourself?

Waverider

Thank you wave rider


I realized his disorder myself almost one year ago, I thought that he could has BPD symptoms, but after his good process, I believed myself that he could be fine. In these days he met with his childhood friend as a brother and I observed their dialogues etc. and I surprised that, a person who cares him also have same concerns about him. his friend complaint him clearly and he said that my husband was making pressure to his friends before. After they argue, my husband said that he is very sorry to cause his friend feel bad. And he said everybody around him harmed by himself. I said him go therapist and he accepted but I don't trust him because every moment he can give up with this idea as well. For three days he also don't speak with me because I said him that he is spending all our money restless.