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I have been no contact for a week. My ex with BPD told me stories of a past and threats from her past. We had lived together for years and she was a typical ues of Manhattan mother. I wanted to end our relationship and move out. She than told me a fantastic story of how she has been a prostitute in the past and if I leaved she would be forced back into the life as a prostitute. This story made zero sense based on her backround. However there is enough detail to make me question it. She want me to stay around to help as she claimed the pimps are stalking her. Would love to hear your thoughts.

My bet would be this is a lie. It's a threat, and lots of pwBPD make threats. It's a scare tactic to keep you in line, or get you sucked back in. My husband uses divorce threats so get me to do what he wants, and to keep me off balance. I'd bet this is her way of getting you to stay connected somehow.

Her story just sounds really implausible? Go with your gut feeling. Are you still no contact?

Sounds like a big fat lie designed to make you feel sorry for her.

Sex workers are often damaged by their experience and rarely make suitable wives and mothers (unless ofcourse you were a pimp or drug dealer). You can turn this around and tell her  that on account of her past you have decided to end the relationship.

If it's a lie she I'll back pedal very quickly. In any case, you probably don't need this in your life and can do much better.

She is clearly trying to hand you a 'white knight' role because she feels you may respond favorably to that.

Do you feel compelled/obligated to "help" her?

If you are feeling drawn by these tactics (even if the story IS true) then it may be wise to explore why it is you feel responsible for another "adult."

What are your thoughts?

Thanks all for the feedback. I am not a stupid person- educated and somewhat successful. And this person would be the last person in the world you would think would be a prostitute. A 38 year old mother and teacher from a seeming prosperous and happy family. Nothing mentioned or suspected while living together for 2 years. First time I heard this was when I wanted to leave - points to BPD.  But she has been sticking with the prostitution story for 8 months . Has now told me stories of guns, gang rapes and Mafia staking. I can't rule in or out the stories. I have moved out and moved on. But I can't sleep at night thinking there is a degree of truth to this seemingly unreal story. Please help. I want closure and I feel knowing if she is sick or this is true will help. Thanks again.

IME, I have come across my fair share of pd's who were. and still are in and around that life as well as in the adult industry. Not to far out of the realm of possibility I say.

When I was in grad school, I had a client who was bulimic. She was married to a very successful man and they had a young daughter. What her husband didn't know is that she'd spend hundreds of dollars a day buying expensive food and wine that she would throw up. In order to hide this expense, she turned to prostitution.

Some years later, I ran into her at a grocery store and she told me that she was divorced and working as an escort. She looked about twenty years older.

She and a few other people I saw as a student, comprised one of the main reasons I didn't contine my grad school program. I was totally over my head with these people--they probably all had BPD or other PDs.

Unsubstantiated claims of victimhood, yes, there's a reason they're unsubstantiated.


Maybe.  You may never know for sure.  But you can't 'save' her, not even from herself.  She is an adult and she has responsiblity for her own life.  You can point her in the right direction but that's all.  BPD is a disorder most evident in close relationships.  As much as she claims otherwise, she can't really listen to you due to the emotional baggage of the past relationship.  If she really wanted to get well, she would listen to you suggesting her to seek an experienced therapist, be honest with the therapist, apply the therapy and stick with it for years.  No quick fixes, sorry.


Closure is something you generally won't get from a pwBPD, you'll have to Gift Closure to Yourself.  Let Go and Move On.