BPDFamily.com

Hello, I'm new here, my girlfriend looks to be a classic case of this disorder. So confused, don't know what to do, have tried to leave the relationship a few times.  Would like to chat with others. The lying and cheating, it just sucks, I have tried to explain to her to just be honest with me, that I'm ok with her doing other "things", that I just want to know.  She still continues to lie.

Hi Buzz,  

I have felt your confusion and it leaves you spinning in your shoes.  Lying is something that we all do, small white lies on occasion to spare another persons feelings.   Some people though lie and deceive for no reason at all.  For these I believe it is ingrained within them, second nature.  The lies and deception come so easily they sometimes can't separate truth from lie.  In my case I believe my exBPD lies/deceives for various reasons and in some cases doesn't even realize she is doing it.  

You might find this article informative.

www.psychiatrictimes.com/articles/pathological-lying-symptom-or-disease

If you don't mind me asking, what "other" things are you OK with and why?

Can we leave aside whether or not your gf is has mental health issues for a moment?  Let's start from assuming this is just a normal relationship.  Why is it ok for her to do other "things"?  Is it because you have no self esteem?  Is it because she's so beautiful that you think you can't do better so you're willing to put up with infidelity (also, see previous sentence)?  Is it that the sex is so mind-blowing that you can put up with all the other BS so long as you can make that connection with her you've never made with someone else (see previous two sentences)?

Forgive my directness, but as I've seen countless times on this board now and heard in my own personal therapy, these types of relationships are very similar to substance abuse disorders, and we're the junkies.  In my own personal life, I can't think of a single reason to reconcile with my wife, yet I want to.   My wife is stunningly beautiful.  And, when we first started dating, she love bombed the hell out of me in every conceivable way.  But now, years after getting married, she has no job, few skills, no aspirations, no real redeeming qualities you'd want in a mate, and the love bombing stopped a LONG time ago.  But, she's still beautiful.  Things haven't been like they were when we got married for YEARS, yet there's a flicker of hope that with the right help and right medicine and right whatever we can go back to the way things used to be.  Only, the way things used to be wasn't real, and there's definitely a pathology to my compulsion to fix or rescue our marriage (leaving our children aside for the moment).

There are beautiful, successful, loving, STABLE women out there you won't have to make core comprises with to attain their love and affection.  My question is, why do you feel compelled to settle?