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Title: People pleaser = BPD Food Post by: Moselle on May 16, 2016, 12:42:36 PM A borderline needs a compliant partner.
My ex thrives off it. When I ceased complying she found a replacement, one of my friends (ahem... .ex-friends) I wish I could say that my life is better. But I'm now dealing with the compliance/ co-dependence and changing myself is hard, hard work. I'm working with the "7 habits of highly effective people" Are there any other tools which have helped people change? Title: Re: People pleaser = BPD Food Post by: Notsurewhattothinkofthis on May 16, 2016, 12:54:41 PM A borderline needs a compliant partner. My ex thrives off it. When I ceased complying she found a replacement, one of my friends (ahem... .ex-friends) I wish I could say that my life is better. But I'm now dealing with the compliance/ co-dependence and changing myself is hard, hard work. I'm working with the "7 habits of highly effective people" Are there any other tools which have helped people change? Someone here once posted reading "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. I am currently reading it and its great. It talks on how to deal with codependency. So far the book is great. Cheers Title: Re: People pleaser = BPD Food Post by: zeus123 on May 16, 2016, 01:33:44 PM Like attracts like, if you've been getting involved with messed-up people, maybe u could look more closely at the one making those choices. Codependent are every bit as hard on themselves as borderlines are, they're two sides of the same coin, but with different defenses.
Title: Re: People pleaser = BPD Food Post by: Lucky Jim on May 16, 2016, 03:51:40 PM Hey Moselle, Agree w/Zeus. When BPD meets codependency, it's a perfect storm, in my view, which is one reason why it is so hard to detach. I would suggest that awareness of one's codependent tendencies is the first step in making a change. If you can identify it, you can change it, in my view. LJ
Title: Re: People pleaser = BPD Food Post by: Ahoy on May 17, 2016, 12:03:44 AM Yes we certainly are!
And if we are on these forums boy weren't we burned hard learning about this fact too! Every so often in life, you will make one of those "I will never make that kind of mistake again" mistake. I only wish this one didn't come with 6-18 months of healing and hardcore personal development afterwards... . Title: Re: People pleaser = BPD Food Post by: Moselle on May 17, 2016, 12:55:51 AM I only wish this one didn't come with 6-18 months of healing and hardcore personal development afterwards... . Perhaps we would not have taken this opportunity for 18 months of healing and started hardcore personal development, without the relationship. I certainly would not have. And the damage was actually done as a child, the borderline just continued a trend. I know its hard, but this could actually be seen as a blessing. If she knew that I saw this as a blessing, it would probably drive her nuts, and mine is dangerous and un-cooperative. So just for today, I will see it that way :) Hey Moselle, Agree w/Zeus. When BPD meets codependency, it's a perfect storm, in my view, which is one reason why it is so hard to detach. I would suggest that awareness of one's codependent tendencies is the first step in making a change. If you can identify it, you can change it, in my view. LJ Hi LJ, I agree that awareness is the first step. I've noticed that a little awareness of a small hill, triggers awareness of a larger hill behind it, and awareness of that triggers awareness of a mountain behind that. It is a "perfect storm". That's a great movie title - a psychological thriller Someone here once posted reading "The Journey from Abandonment to Healing: Turn the End of a Relationship into the Beginning of a New Life" by Susan Anderson. I am currently reading it and its great. It talks on how to deal with codependency. So far the book is great. Notsure, thanks for sharing! |