BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone,

I've been recovering from a wisdom tooth extraction while managing my daughter's escalating substance abuse problem and dealing with my probate case which is starting to get ugly.

Last Saturday I blocked my mother on my iPhone, today I blocked both my father and my child's father. My father kept sending me pictures of my mother on my iPhone even though I told him to stop. The straw that broke the camel's back was his response to my email today. I had sent my father a long email explaining my condition because my partner had said he had talked to him about my medication and it sounded like he had misinformed him. There is the myth about "strong medication" that is inaccurate. My nurse practitioner has never said I was on "strong medication." I had talked to her about going off my medication and she said she didn't think that was a good idea right now as it was helping me manage my anxiety and depression due to the stress I'm under.

For those who are not familiar with my story I was diagnosed with PTSD in 2006.

When I asked my father if he had received my email he said he had nothing to add and asked me if I would like him to show it to my mother. I have tried to tell my father on more then one occassion my mother was reported for child abuse by my English teacher but he doesn't want to hear it.

That infuriated me. I told him first of all there was nothing for him to add, I was telling him my story. Second of all I told him that was addressed to him not my mother. I realized that from this point on that i need to protect myself from him. I may have to block him from my email too.

My father believes several myths about me including that I am living in Section 8 housing. I am not, never have. I wish I had a Section 8 voucher. No, I live in below market rate housing and am responsible for paying my rent every month and have done so like I have done since I moved out at 18 and in with 2 strange roommates.

My father also believes at my age, I should have an illustrious career and he doesn't understand I gave up my career to raise my daughter. He thinks because he survived his adolescent without a parent that my daughter can to. He has no desire to help my daughter with her substance abuse problem. He thinks I should throw her to the wolves.

Furthermore I explained to my father that I was going to have train for a new career as I could no longer work in my career, early childhood education, because of the trauma I suffered in my marriage.

I had had enough.

Today my ex also sent me this random text suggesting I host a foreign exchange student to earn money for our daughter. Last week I had to call him and ask him when I could expect child support. He is court ordered to pay it and every month it is erratic. I got furious with him too and reminded him I was only allowed to have a guest two weeks out of the year without permission and that was my call not his.

I realized that my mother, father and ex can no longer have the instant access to me that text and cell phone provide.

Today I am grieving a loss.

To top that off my probate case is getting serious and I almost bailed but I regained my composure and got back in the fight.

Things are getting intense.

I did check out the recommended book, The First Time she drowned and am going to start reading it tonight. I wish my parents took my mental health issues seriously when I was a teenager. I was suicidal and they thought I was doing it for attention. I ended up paying for my own therapy. What I really needed was medication but my mother is anti-medication so I suffered on my own for a decade longer before i got the help I needed.

It sounds like this is Everyone Who Abused Unicorn Knows Best 

... .despite the fact that these people should have taken care of you and protected you (age appropriately).

I hadn't seen the English teacher story. So she reported your parents for semething she observed?

I don't think I told the English teacher story. One day my mom and I got in a fight which resulted in me getting bruised and I showed my wounds to my teacher. I refused to let my mother beat me up and I always fought back. As a result she always called me a bully even though she was the one who bullied me. I've always been bigger and stronger then my mother since puberty and well you can imagine how that made her feel.

I don't know if I shared the slave block story. The last time my mother was in my apartment my mother circled around me telling me how strong I am. She's always pointed out to me how men admire me. She's jealous of my figure which is feminine while hers is androgynous. This gets into some serious damaging stuff.

What was the outcome of the report?

I got referred to counseling I think. That was a long time ago. I don't know if I could access those records as I was a minor. I think I'm going to have to unblock my father to ask him a question. He says he remembers the police coming over. I don't know if that's because I called them because she was abusing me or she called them because I ran away. That was one of the sins she listed and then stated she waited all night. When my daughter ran away I tracked her down. She has run away so much due to her substance abuse problem that now I am just to call it in to report it. I struck a deal with my daughter and told her if she needs to go out to use she is to leave me a note. Of course that proved to be to hard for her which resulted in her getting grounded this weekend but that's not a topic for this board.