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My exBPD/npd is almost 33 weeks pregnant and I've seen her twice since Dec. I get weekly emails from what to expect telling me about the progress from week to week, which makes me sad. I don't really care for my ex much, but her going silent and refusing to include me in the pregnancy is really hitting my heart... It really hurts me to know that she doesn't take my feelings into consideration and that she just a total B...

I don't know how I will react when the child is born after all the Abusive ST my ex has given me. I'm afraid I'll look at the child when I get to meet her and be forced to leave shortly because of my hurt and emotions being to strong to handle...

Thanks for letting me vent!

Hey drummerboy, Sorry to hear what you are going through.  I have a feeling that you wont leave after seeing your child. 

Have you expressed your desire to be more actively engaged in the pregnancy?

Thanks and yes I've tried to be around, but she doesn't want me around... She named the child without me and everything... I think the ta my exes issues within herself

 Hi drummerboy5

My heart goes out to you. Where you are now, so once was I.  It's totally heart wrenching. 23 of that child's chromosomes are yours. Don't regret not being there when your child is born. Your child is going to need you. When my son was born, I was the first one to hold him. Don't miss that. My son is 9 and I'm still fighting for proper access but as far down as I have been, I kept rebounding back. S9 mother has been horrable, belittling,  demoralizing,  I felt like walking away many times. She went as low a lying to the priest and had my son baptized with out my knowing.  I don't know your situation so I'm giving advice based on mine. My ex would of loved nothing more than to have me dissappear off the face of the earth. There is a lot of pain, I would see families together and cry, longing for us to be a family. Be there for your child. Seek therapy, use this board, vent, tell your story, don't own her poison, grow, get strong. Start now. Mine left when my son was 6 months old and I hung on for several years, it was demoralizing, humiliating,  and I was full of resentment and anger all the time. I thought if I tried hard enough she would see me as human. I'm a year into her heartless discard. I focused to much time on her that should of been focused on my son. Document everything, have a record of all money you give her, never miss a payment, ask for access no matter how hard it is, by text or email. Keep a record of every time you were denied access, when you go to court your lawyer will be able to show the judge that you want to be a part of your child's life but keep getting denied. Dig deep and the strength will be there. Your child is going to need you. The pain of being out of your child's life will be greater. I just left my son's swimming lessons. He would look for me when he got to the end of the pool, great feeling. His mother was up to her dirt. I got s9 changed and put his clothes in a locker. After swimming, I went into the change room, held the door open for my son, he walked past the locker room, his mother walked past so I went in the change room to get his clothes out of the locker and they were all gone, I checked every locker, nothing. She got her bf to go in the boys change room, take the clothes and put them in a private change room. I suppose they found that funny. Be prepared, don't react, take the high road. Your child is going to need you. Good luck and god bless.

Thank for sharing. I have all emails of her threatening me plus I have the receipt for paying her doc co pays which was. $1400 she's allowed me at one doc appt and cut me off since... I'm going to request a DNA test because I have doubt by the way I've been treated plus she was out with another man around the time she became pregnant. We split up and got back together that week and she already had another man lined up smdh lol

I'm trying to hang in there, but 32 weeks of not being included when I have paid and done everything she was wanted me to do really strikes some hate towards her. I refuse to pay or give her money until DNA test is done... Me speaking to her about est paternity through the courts makes her block all contact and give the ST which is a red flag to me that she might be guilty of something... she doesn't want me getting the DNA test lol

PS

If she won't take the money, find some how to physically put it away. Go to maintenance enforcement with your T4, to show your yearly income, find out where you are on the child support payments scale, go to your lawyer and make some kind of an arrangement to make sure that money is safely set aside each month. When the day comes to go to court, and it will. You can show to the judge in good faith that you have all the payments squirreld away. She might try to say you gave no money, you do not want to get in arrears. It will look favorably on you in court and most of all its the right thing to do for your child. Be prepared for a crap storm of lies when you go to court.

Good thinking. Protect your self