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I pulled the trigger, so to speak. Met with my attorney, provided a ton of documentation, including a draft of a settlement proposal. He and his paralegal are turning those into the legal documents needed to reach a settlement and go to court, if necessary. The final documents will be ready for me to give to my wife in a week or two.

We had a family session with my D10's therapist, where the wife and I told her that we are divorcing. We've been separated for three months, so this wasn't a huge surprise to D10, but it still hurt her. I wish there was a way to spare her from this pain.

The wife and I had probably our most civil and rational conversation in months yesterday. We talked a bit about divorce planning, and I told her I was preparing a settlement proposal. We talked about what we're going to do with our wedding rings. (I haven't made any decisions, and she plans to keep hers because it comes from her family.) We discussed a disability hearing she has scheduled this week. I honestly can't remember the last time we had a talk about serious issues without her dysregulating or throwing projections at me.

Oddly, that made me feel a bit sad. It's been easier to sustain the momentum and my confidence when she's raging and raving at me. Having her talk like a normal person threw me off my game.

Flourdust:   it does feel weird when they stop the freak.  My wife is hooked to the fact that she doesn't have a personality disorder because "they don't respond to meds."  So she is embracing a diagnosis of BiPolar I.  I have been struggling for years, it has affected me and indirectly affected my three kids.  She now wants the youngest to have "the same diagnosis as Mommy," take the same meds and get the same results.  He's 9. She's 50.  It's a farce.  Now she is even considering getting a part-time job----whoa nelly---I swore she told me she was "permanently disabled."

I made the separation step three months ago, she insists I move back into the bedroom "to keep the kids stable."  She is the only one that is of that opinion.

She has been after me to take off my wedding band, but surprisingly hers "won't come off." 

I am going to have to move forward this summer with the divorce, and I expect that she will have charged up the freak that I have battled in the past.

Time to not be afraid anymore.  I wish you the best possible outcome.for you and your family.

Thank you for that. And good luck to you and your kids.

The paperwork is almost done now. The paralegal and I are going back and forth on the last tweaks and edits, and then I'll meet with the attorney for a final review and to firm up the plan for when and how to serve her and what the aftermath will be.

In the meantime, things have been more peaceful. I took D10 to my parents' lake house for Memorial Day weekend, where we hung out with my brothers and their families. D10 struggled a bit with this trip -- it was our first family trip without her mom, and that was hard for her. But she wanted to go, and she enjoyed herself. It was also something I needed, to spend time with my family and gather energy from their support.

She's graduating from elementary school on Friday, and BPDw proposed we go out together to dinner to celebrate. I'm feeling comfortable enough to say yes, even though I know it could turn into a bad evening.