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Title: Split Black but in Half Post by: tryingsome on May 19, 2016, 10:44:17 PM Just curious if others have experienced this. Ex-spouse has definitely split me black as far our relationship and my role in it. Why is interesting I still remain 'idealized' as a near-perfect dad for our children.
It's a strange view; though I am wondering if this is going to change. Any experience from fellow members, and should I prepare for the worst? Title: Re: Split Black but in Half Post by: Turkish on May 19, 2016, 11:25:38 PM Welcome! I've finally found a fellow-traveller! I'm in the same situation, and I still struggle comprehending it sometimes. My kids' mom left 2.5 years ago. Remarried a year ago. Joint custody with S6 and D4.
So what's going on? Title: Re: Split Black but in Half Post by: tryingsome on May 20, 2016, 10:34:55 AM Not too much. Interactions are fairly pleasant.
I was just wondering if the other shoe is going to drop. It was interesting in the divorce proceedings how I was painted as an abusive husband, but a wonderful father. Seems a little unsustainable. Title: Re: Split Black but in Half Post by: Turkish on May 20, 2016, 11:58:32 PM Don't ever assume that the shoe may not drop, but run with this if you can. Thinking about my own situation, this may be due to partial splitting from a compartmentalized personality.Split grey, from our POV
I'm sorry to say that I don't feel the reverse, that my Ex is a great mother. I don't of course telegraph this in order not to trigger her shame. Have you looked at the communication tools in the lessons on the Improving Board? They can help (#3). As much as I would have no problem never seeing or speaking to her again, we are tied as parents for many years... .(please not forever, but probably). Title: Re: Split Black but in Half Post by: cc 69 on May 27, 2016, 07:40:56 PM Again reading these boards as opened my eyes to my problems with my BPD. shame her trigger what I'm getting at is when we were talking ok sometime it would always end badly ... as I've said over and over my self esteem was at rock she would carry chipping away looking for more I lost my dad at 4 my mum was never a loving person after that so when I met my BPD and got all the love and more for over 12 months not one fall out which I now no was not healthy ... relationship need a little conflict it's what make it stronger... but as I was saying she put me at the top of the pile I was made to feel what I'd missed out on as a child I told her my biggest fear.is not being around to give my son the best chance in life well at the age of 4 our fantasy relationship was falling apart I pledged with her not make me a weekend dad well that my biggest mistake well second falling for her is my first she used that against me it's taken six months of pills counselling and these boards to defend myself ... which cos for the first few months I fell into her trap of begging... I no I've gone on a bit. .but since I've defended my self and shamed her... and gave a trigger things have gone down wards very quickly I hope deep down it is a coincidence that she kick me out at the age of 4 for our son and not down to the hatred she as has shown towards me ... .think I'll stay away from triggering her the drama that come with it is not worth my time any more
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