BPDFamily.com

Hello everyone

I broke nc yesterday and today I had a sense something was wrong and sure enough I got a call from my son's mother and our son was being admitted into a children's hospital 60 miles from home.

He's fine and the doctor thinks he has a virus and should be headed home Sunday.

Got to talk to his mother about the rape thing and she said it was when she took an overdose of adivan and not the night she overdosed. I'm still confused but maybe I can make the amends to her that I've waited so long for.

My son is doing ok, just gave him a bath and we are watching Inside Out :)

Interesting... .glad your Son is ok. I think we do have a sense when things are wrong. Glad you had a good chat. Maybe things will calm a bit for a little while... .just don't get used to it though, right?

Got a lot of things discussed with my sons mother. Her new bf is jealous and cannot accept or rationalize that we actually loved each other so he's going to the lust and taking advantage of my exgf. Who knows?

I got to make amends and she accepted them, she wants me in my son's life and her bf will have to accept her past with me or not. I have to move forward and this night was a blessing. My exgf loves me and we just didn't get along. Gas and fire.

I prayed for this day and it happened, I hope and pray for peace as we all move into the future. Her bf seems to be a nice guy so maybe they will be happy?

Hope everyone has as a great night

JerryRG,

It sounds like you have found a bit of peace between you two for now.

Please know that as easily as she accused you of rape, and wanted you out of your son's life now wants you in it, this is all of who she is.  Please accept her behavior now and who she has been, as all of who she is.

She is someone who for whatever reason:

Has the potential to cause you and your son great harm with accusations that can land you in jail and have your son at risk.

Believe her behavior.  Her behavior states that she is a volatile, unpredictable person who really only has regard for you when it serves her in some way but is not much related to who you are.

I feel like my words sound cruel, they are not meant that way.

I have read a lot on the improving board.  I wish I could think of a particular member to look up and follow, but I can't.  Anyway, some of the more successful improving members have learned what they call 'medium chill' maybe search for that thread.  What it means is that just how it is best not to get too emotionally swayed when the SO is dysregulating, also do not get too emotionally swayed and happy when they seem very well.  This seems to be a very key skill some work on with great success when it is achieved.

I hope while you are appreciating some peace, that you are feeling balanced about it and at an emotionally safe distance from it all.

SF

Thank you Sunflower

I can see her illness now in a new light, just being around her for this short time is draining. I don't have time to read all of the posts and I will soon.

Yes she is seriously mentally ill and I won't forget

Just got home from the hospital, my son is doing well.

His mother is another story, she still thinks she has cancer, had cancer and now it's coming back. She went with a friend to go shopping and ends up in acute care because of her lymph nodes are swelling and then tells the doctor my son is sick, been sick for a few days, grandmother said he wasn't sick last night? Son is admitted for dehydration. my head is spinning.

She said she deliberately waited until late afternoon so if I did go down there I would have to stay overnight.?

She lost her engagement ring? wasn't wearing it when I got there.

Her bf couldn't be there but he was nervous about me staying overnight in the same room.

Said she didn't know when they were getting married and leaving all the planning to her fiancé.

We talked a lot about our relationship and why it failed, still she just wanted everything her way, blah blah

She still talks about herself in a very disgusting way and flaunts herself in front of me, just before I am ready to leave she tugs on her sweat pants and looks up at me while holding her pant saying she cannot untie them? like I was suppose to do that for her?

She said she fights and calls her bf names, verbally abusive and he runs to others about their private issues.

She said her whole family hate her and know she's heading for a serious crash and they are all just waiting for it to happen.

She is hitting a wall right now and she's thinking about the future?

She says her church family knows her cancer is returning and that they are ready to pray it all away again. Her pastor told me that no one in the church believes she was sick at all.

Oh boy the attention and talk talk talk all about her problems and her life

Brought back memories and how wore out I would get just being around her.

She asked me to buy her a new phone? Hers was locked out, she said she didn't get anything for mothers day again and that she just wanted us to get along for our sons sake.

"Brought back memories and how wore out I would get just being around her."

WOW, just wow! So sorry... .if it's not one thing, its another. Hard to stay uninvolved, yet you need to keep the peace for your son... .take care of you the best you can... .xo

Thanks Blue

I am so confused

I can understand that... .It's games. She wants you to want her, but she knows too much has happened and it won't work. She is having a good time with the new guy, but knows it's not good for her. She knows you are stable... .you may end up with your son more than you thought, which could be good.  Go Gray Rock... .(so sorry to hear that-could be a common theme here)... .don't play games and try not to get upset or angry, that will only feed into her issues and she could turn on you again. I wish I had been "nicer" instead of being angry- the old, "kill them with kindness" is probably best here. Just don't go over- board. I wouldn't help her out with a cell phone if you don't have to. Mine was always losing his! The fiance' can do that. I would suggest it, politely. ; )  Painful... .just painful.

I'm not giving her ANYTHING lol, I just had to laugh at her games, I shouldn't laugh because is is genuinely suffering and I do care. I just care more for my son and our survival as it should be. My ex needs help, I hope she gets better.

Another thing is she just informed me that she gave my son to a family across state line and she called them my son's new adoptive family. This has to be illegal?

Yes, I would say so... .she seems to really be trying to get you going? Can you have this checked out? Will her Mother tell you if this is true? Did you ask her why she would even consider that?

I don't think she is playing games at all.  Seems to me like she is one very, very ill (mentally) woman.  And I would be rather concerned about my sons welfare in her presence.

She showed me pictures of my son with friends of her bfs and small children. Mixed up mess but I'm sure it's true. Why would she give my son to strangers in another state and why is her bf trying to give my son away?

I just remembered something, my exgf said she was gaining weight and that her current bf is skinny and how she's seen me around town and that I've put on weight and "look good"

She told me I looked pathetic after I went from 270 down to 185 because my anxiety and cancer wiped me out. She said back then that she would never be with a man who made her look fat.

I would say that her ideas about her selection of a man based on his appearance based solely on whether or not it made her appearance ok is kinda narcissistic or simplistic if not down right childish and shallow?

Borrowed this from

Love letter from a narcissistic

When I say I’m in love with you, I love having someone beautiful to wear, like a new outfit. I love the way you feel on me. I love the way I feel about me when you are with me.

It sounds like you may need to begin networking and making a list of supports and resources in case you suddenly have custody of your son.

Have you posted on the legal board and come up with such a plan?

Do you have a lawyer?  :)o you have a parenting plan and visitation schedule in place?  :)o you have a way to document/capture her communications to you?

Llikely it is ideal that if you anticipate going to court that you two use one of those software programs to keep coorespondences between you two only in the software, not via txt, phone, etc.  you need a single place to record what she says, or so she can stop with the insane threats to your son's care. And you need to know where the heck he is and what arrangements between the two of you are.

What is going on legally?