BPDFamily.com

So... .I worked until late tonight, per the usual, and when I get off work, I go home and do my routine of hygienic stuff and clean my room a bit. The following conversation takes place. (Tomorrow she leaves to go on a week-long vacation with her mom so she's been preparing the past couple of days)

Me: "Are we calling tonight? Or do you have more packing to do? o.o"

Her: "What are you up to o.o"

Me: "Asking you questions :3"

Her: "What have you been up to... ."

Me: "Putting away laundry, reading the news, did my routine, used the bathroom"

Her: "Oh"

Me: "It's pretty much the same thing every night when I come home from work lol. Why the 'Oh?' I do the same thing every night so I'm confused."

Her: "Idk something seemed off"

Me: No? lol Tonight's been like every single other night when I come home xD"

Her: "Well you didnt message back after you got home until you were done with everything. So thats what was different."

Me: "I'm sorry? I was cleaning my room so I could actually sit down and stuff and not have to look at a ton of dishes"

Her: "Why are you acting so weird"

Me: "I'm not... .o.O You're the one who's acting inquisitive and questioning if something is off, when in fact everything is quite usual lol If there was anything to report, I would have done so xD haha"

Her: "Like I'm not allowed to ask what youve been up to?"

Me: "You are... >.>"

Her: "I asked what you were up to thats normal and you said "asking you questions" so i was like what the heck

Me: "I was trying to be cute... "

Her: "I asked what youd been up to since you got smart and technical. That was sassy and rude"

Me: "I wasn't trying to be smart... "

Her: "And made me super anxious"

Me: "I was trying to be cute... "

Her: "Youve never even used ':3'"

(at this point, I was becoming irritated since she simply wouldn't listen to me or take my word for anything.)

Me: "I have before. It's playful"

Her: "You were wondering why i asked and i told you

And you were like 'im sorry?'

Like holy damn

I was just answering your question

I dont need those kind of remarks"

Me: "... .is everything okay?"

Her: "You tell me idk whats going on with you right now but youre acting weird"

Me: "Nothing is going on. I was trying to be cute and playful but you misinterpreted it and are now continuously telling me I'm acting weird when I've told you several times tonight is a usual night and I've done my usual things. I don't get this.

So now that killed the mood I had when I was trying to be playful"

Her: "What are you even talking about wow you have been so offensive and defensive all night so far

I was being uber casual and you were being all weird and defensive on top of the remarks im so lost"

Me: "I'm responding to your insistence that I'm acting weird and trying to say that tonight has been normal, because you insinuated something was off and then implied it was because I didn't respond to you at a certain time"

Her: "Yeah like you did something out of routine"

Me: "I think things are being read into way more than they need to be o.O"

Her: "I was curious"

Me: "Okay"

Her: "Whats the big deal like holy crap"

Me: "There isn't one... >.>"

Her: "I feel like im going to vomit. Idk what your deal is. I asked something super normal and you were defensive and saying i killed your mood and all this stuff. I think i just want to be left alone. Youre freaking me out"

Me: "Okay... "

Her: "I dont want to be treated like that

I cant believe this

Is that how you see it?

I just ruined your playful mood

And that's all you have to say or care about xD"

Me:"I think maybe we should talk on the phone?

I really think there's been a misunderstanding... "

I'm baffled... did I say something out of line? Was I, as she insisted, acting weird? Did I do something wrong? She even made me sound selfish at the end (talking about how my mood was killed) and then said she doesn't "want to be treated like that" (?) We've been arguing on the phone now and I'm sick of it.

Does she do humor well? I could see it breaking down starting at "used the bathroom."

Did you start in a resentful mood?

Regardless of the validity thereof, pwBPD can be hyper tuned to the emotions of others, real, and sometimes imagined (projection).

I don't know humor had to do with anything. I actually wasn't being humorous and was being dead serious

I began to feel like she was trying to pry or claim (without saying) that I was hiding something (something she used to accuse me of all the time) when she said, "Well you didnt message back after you got home until you were done with everything. So thats what was different."

So I thought she was implying that I was either hiding something or that messaging her isn't important to me.

That's where I then said, "I'm sorry? I was cleaning my room so I could actually sit down and stuff and not have to look at a ton of dishes"

And then it went from there. We got on the phone, I tried explaining my reasoning behind the residual feelings, and she interrupted me, said it was insulting, minimized how I felt, and said it was "unhealthy."

Due to troubles with object constancy (not to mention core abandonment fears), pwBPD often want cinstant updates to soothe these fears. I once rear ended anther vehicle, I was so anxious to get home, triggered by her texting. I was 5 mins from home and on time.

The emotions of a pwBPD are fluctuating, so it's like trying to hit a moving target: tough.

Accusations, well, plain suck.

Getting into an argument with a pwBPD is like arguing with the wind. There are no winners, and the wind will go wherever it goes, leaving you stationary and frustrated. Perhaps this can help:

Understanding JADE (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=205038.0)