BPDFamily.com

Found out my replacement is one of my BPD ex's it's a bit weird really. ... cos the things she had told me about him didn't put him a good light ... .now he's around my son which I'm not comfortable with. . Knowing what I no about him ... .all the nc is in place. I even got my son a phone just in case he wants to call but she has taken it off him . Like I said before my BPD would call me on private number when ever she felt the need to ... .I told her I'm not letting her control my life any more ... my replacement in firmly in her spell all I can say is good luck to them two crazies together. .just hope my son doesn't suffer with the drama that's to come

... .

Don't take everything your BPD says at face value. I learned that the hard way. I've been reminiscing lately about what she said about her ex-husband and a lot of things don't add up. Unless you've met the guy yourself, I would highly suggest withholding judgement about him. People with BPD traits have an odd relationship with reality. What they perceive as "truth" might actually be misconceptions, cognitive distortions, selective memory, or in more extreme cases half truths, minupulations, and lies.

In other words, this guy could be a sweet, loving, regular guy that wants her to be happy (unless you have concrete, OBSERVABLE evidence otherwise). Also, she could be saying the same stuff she said about him about YOU. You understand what I mean?

I understand what you are saying... .and yes she will be painting me blacker than black ... .but yes I do no him and he's not a nice person. .I'm not interested in him and her I'm only concerned about the position my son could be put in this guy is not allallowed to see his kids for reasons let's just say are not nice ... .

I suggest that you post a similar question in the "family court and law" message board. If this guy isn't allowed to be around his own kids then there is no reason that he should be around your son. I would bring that up to a lawyer and at any custody hearings.

I do agree with what your saying and think I'm so embarrassed with myself ... for being fooled into this fantasy relationship I was totally taken in with the night in shinning armour and being adored it's been hard to accept that the person I fell for wasn't the same person in the end ... .it's been a shock to the system and coming to this place and finding so many people in the same boat ... .I've even questions myself is it me that's got the disorder ... .

You're in the right company.

i think many of us ask ourselves this question. are you seeing a therapist?

Ah, yeah... .Blah blah blah... .Will never go back to him... .he was so controlling, always putting me down, blah blah blah... .BAM! Back to the guy, engaged to be married  :)

For real? Good grief!

Couldn't have said it better myself! I feel a fool because looking back now, seeing healthier people twig on to my wife and not want anything to do with her!

I think it's important to remember these are lessons that we obviously needed to learn, the caretaker side of our personalities is now known to us and we are MUCH better equipped to deal with future relationships.

The price for this knowledge is pretty steep though, that's why it's really important to be kind to yourself because this whole damn thing is so traumatic!

Yep, very much for real. That's why when people on here start saying "He/she said this, he/she promised that" all that I can say is - "Actions, nothing else. What the person does, the way person treats you, that's all that counts. Whether it is a relationship or a friendship or a work relationship. Only believe actions."

Yes I'm seeking help in every way possible I gave my body every weapon she needed and not has she used them. .I'm so glad I've found this right place to help me along this Rd so thanking every one for the help I'm getting every day I read on here

Yes some of them recycle their exs. Mine does. I've caught her in so many lies it was sick. I don't know how many times she had recycled her ex husband and 2 boyfriends. I've heard all bs lies that her ex hubby was a porn addict. Was hooked on strip clubs and cheated on her. Then her other boyfriend cheated on her and raped her ( another lie) and the list goes on! Then her own brother molested her with his friend when she was a young girl.  Now mind you to add to the facade and Bull $hit games she would Un friend them . after she discarded me I found out they are all back on her FBpage! Oh yes forgot to mention the last lie! I don"t speak to any of my exs! Yes I guess that's why their on your FB page!

If that's her history then it's only a matter of time before she re-engages you.

Chelsea and all,

My replacement was her ex as well. We got together shortly after their breakup in spring ‘14. Of course this was a huge  red-flag right off the get go that I completely ignored. I had never heard of BPD at the time. The first 6 months of our r/s were amazing. Looking back, I think our decline in my eyes started when she told me one day that she "was meeting her ex for drinks". Not going to lie, it rubbed me a bit the wrong way and I brought this to her attention. She insisted that they were meeting on “friendly terms only” and that she “had no feelings” for him anymore. At the time I had no reason to not believe her and overall I'm a really trusting guy so I let it go (I also didn't want to be the controlling BF telling her that she couldn't remain friends with an ex). But this is when my doubts in her began. As the months went on she would continue to meet him as “friends” but she was always up front with this fact. Anyway I slowly began to suspect that more was going on. My spidey-senses were tingling and my trust in her dwindled although I had no hard proof of anything. Anyway our relationship went in typical BPD fashion: Multiple break up/recycles, etc… but the triangulation with her ex was always the hardest for me to reconcile during the time we were together.

Anyway maybe after 2 or 3 break up/recycles (I can’t even remember how many now) she finally ended it for good. I was absolutely devastated. I loved her dearly. Well I found out she was back with her ex immediately after our breakup…  Most likely they had something going on before our breakup. My instincts were right all along and I suppressed them for over a year. It truly is a punch in the gut to know that she left for her ex. To know that she used me all along. It adds insult to a serious injury.

I have been NC for 9 months and I’m doing better but nowhere near fully healed. I frequently have dreams of her with her ex. These are the worst days and that is why I’m on the forums this morning. About a month ago my ex contacted me via text and wanted to meet up: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=293084.0 I have not replied even though I am still drawn to her and may still reply when ready. Didn’t mean to barge in on this thread but wanted to share my experience of exuBPDgf leaving for an ex. I feel for anyone who has gone through this experience.

Stay Strong Y’all

Hi yes the one thing my BPD would say is I hate being lied too well once it ended I can see all the lies that she has told me.  But again this site has opened my eyes to just how much she managed to brain wash me without me knowing. I no I keep saying it but I feel so let down by myself not seeing just how much I was hooked.

WOW BINGO! Yes! My ex said that all the time! I hate when people lie to me! I can sense it! Pleas I beg of you don't do it to me! Then after she discarded me I went thru every text and FB messages and what did I find? Tons of lies that I was too stupid to put together at the time ! Red flags u name it! Unreal! Stay strong everyone! I know it $ucks but we survived without them and we will survive after them!

lol! You just don't give up do you Sweet tooth! You want my ex to come back so bad! Believe me as I said to you before some do come back ... .Some don't. Some recycle exs more then once and that same BPD like my ex might not. With me. We live in Diffrent countries and after all the crap and $hit I called her on she won't be looking my way again. You can take that to the bank. Besides even tho yes I still love my ex I wouldn't want her coming back again.

Not a newbie just had to re register I told my BPD all my fears and weaknesses and one by one she has used them against me and each time I've not reacted... she moves on to the next step one my family and my friends told me over and over she has taken over your life you don't do owt without her... but ture to love is blind one by one I dropped them leaving me more under her control ... but after so of begging and pleding not to let me go ... .I found out it was the best thing that happened in the relationship... day by day I do feel stronger knowing it was all make believe. .the one thing I can't walk away from is my son ... .staying strong for him and myself keeps me going

With the exception of 2-3 recycles, this is exactly my story, even the timeline - met in May 2014, a couple of months after they broke up. 6 months of this picture perfect fairy tale during which her ex would pop up but she wasn't never going back to him because he was controlling, etc. Nah ah, never! Blah blah blah, at 6 months mark out of nowhere she simply disappeared for 6 weeks. That was the end of it for me. No recycles, no breakups, just dragged myself away from her. She was back with her ex pretty quickly, engaged within a year of getting back together with him.

They live to disappear and give the STs, don't they?