BPDFamily.com

My daughter in law was diagnosed with BPD 4 years ago. She married my oldest son 10 years ago.  They were both in the military and had only know each other a few months. She soon became pregnant with my first grandson. Before my grandson was 2 things were already rocky and they divorced after only 3 years of marriage. At different times they would deploy to Afganistan and share custody. They remarried after being apart for 2 years, I was so excited that things might work out this time. Within a year she was pregnant with my 2nd grandson, but their change of duty station would take them out of state. This was 4 years ago, she was diagnosed by the military with BPD, which would lead to her separation from the military. After 10 years, my son would also separate from the military. Now after 10 intermittent years of marriage and 2 children, age 8 and 2, she is wanting another divorce.

Last October they were visiting, this is when my son separated from the military, he was staying over for an extended visit and she would return home with 2 boys. 24 hours after she was home, she took the boys to school, cut her wrist in the parking lot and then took herself to the emergency room. My son received a call and within 2 hours we were both packed and headed to their home (in another state). I would end up staying the whole month as she was sent by the military to treatment which confirmed her diagnosis of BPD and also diagnosed with Bipolar 2, but the military would not except the Bipolar2 diagnosis.

It was at this time I saw just how serious this mental disorder is. In the last last 6 months she has put a restraining order on my son, then changed her mind, agreed they would live together then changed her mind now wanting a divorce but has changed her mind. Last weekend I went to get my grandsons for their summer visit but when I got there my son had decided he was coming home too.

So here I am not knowing what will happen next, very concerned and confused and so grateful I found BPD Family to talk to. This is my introduction to the group, I've never been on a forum or community where I can talk to people but I do need education and help because I love my daughter in law as if she was my own daughter and I want to support her anyway I can.  But I also have to think about my grandsons and their father (my son) and to do this I will need your help and knowledge of BPD.

Welcome LoveOma! 

I am really glad that you've found us and reached out with your first post. You will find great support here from our BPD family. I imagine you may be overwhelmed with all the info available, but take your time as you learn and explore.

It sounds like you are working hard to learn and understand more about BPD and the effects it has upon family members. If is tough, very much so, to try to deal with someone you love who has this disorder. Have you ever considered going to a T to help you learn some tools to help you as you try to relate to your dil? These sort of tools will also help you to aid your S and grandchildren. There are profound effects upon us after being in such a home.

My mom was an uBPD. She was toxic, and it sounds like you have begun seeing how devastating it can be. There are some great books available to read to assist you. Stop Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger is a good one. Another is Understanding the Borderline Mother by Christine Lawson. Here is a link for you to some of our book reviews: https://bpdfamily.com/content/book-reviews

How is your son doing through all of this? And your grandchildren? I think it is super awesome that you are willing to learn and understand.  |iiii


Wools

Hi, LoveOma, and welcome.

What a tough situation. It is always sad when there are children living through that kind of turmoil. My mother has BPD and I can understand.

I hope you will keep posting. We have some great resources here that can be really helpful too, which you can browse in the Lessons tab at the top of the board. The co-parenting board also has some articles and workshops that might be helpful in your situation. One of the most helpful resources for me when I first got here was Getting Our Values and Boundaries in Order (https://bpdfamily.com/content/values-and-boundaries). Don't forget to take care of yourself, too. How long do you think your son plans to stay with you?

Wishing you peace,

PF

  Hi LoveOma! Just wanted to say hello and welcome. Any updates?

Hi

Just wanted to welcome you to our board. Does sound like you’ve have a tough situation right now.

It’s great that you love your daughter in law and want to help. It is also good she has a diagnosis, as there is therapy for BPD. Is this something your daughter in law has looked at ?