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Title: How can I get him to understand Post by: rendezvous04 on May 28, 2016, 01:23:23 PM Our relationship is strainedstarted about two months ago. I'm having work done on my house and he thinks it's taking to long. I started this project before we meet. I can only afford to do a few things at a time and he just will not listen as to why. He thinks I'm purposly draging out the progression of the work. How can I make him see that I 'm not doing this? Then there's times were he says I'm having a thing for one of the workers. I could go one but these two points are major issues right now :check:
Title: Re: How can I get him to understand Post by: Mutt on May 28, 2016, 05:12:21 PM Hi rendezvous04,
*welcome* I can see how straining and frustrating that would feel with re-assurance. Feelings = facts to a pwBPD, its the opposite for a non-disordered person, feelings are followed after facts. At the center of the disorder is the core wound of abandonment, abandonment fears and a pwBPD expect that loved ones will abandon them. I'm not 100% sure but it's possible that your pwBPD believes that the renovations are being dragged out because of the one worker and he fears that'll you'll reject / abandon him. A pwBPD need a lot of validation and have their feelings validated, its not to say to validate the invalidate the invalid but to validate some of what he's feeling. Here's a link to a video with validation a pwBPD when they're emotionally dysregulating. I hope that helps. Video: Validation -- encouraging peace in a "BPD family" (https://bpdfamily.org/2013/06/validation-encouraging-peace-in-BPD.html?m=1) Regards, ----Mutt |