BPDFamily.com

I am not sure where to start. Based on reading I think my daughter has BPD.  I have never joined a support group before and hope it will help. I feel completely desperate and hopeless and truly wish that I could stop the pattern of aggression (primarily directed at me), suicide attempts, deception/distorted thinking and manipulation interspersed with normal behaviour but experienced with an immense anxiety on my part that at the slightest perceived slight there will be another eruption/suicide attempt leaving me feeling anxious, abused and sick. I love my daughter dearly and have spent many years trying to support , direct, persuade, bribe, ignore her to try to help her  but have now concluded that there is nothing I can do and just want the strength not to reject her out right. She sees a psychiatrist and tells me that her diagnosis is depression and been prescribed anti-depressants... As she is a young adult and she will not consent, I have no access to the psychiatrist. she has been exhibiting symptoms since she was at primary school and it has got worse and worse as she has grown older.

I would really welcome some down to earth advice about how to cope.

Welcome - and thanks for sharing.

Of course it's hard to diagnose over the internet, but the things you have said do seem like BPD type behaviours. And everyone here can share how difficult life is to live with someone with BPD.

I would suggest spending a long time on this website reading. Also buying some good BPD books. There are reviews on this website. "Stop walking on eggshells" is a great place to start. I found the books to help me understand where my BPD wife is at, and to know how to support her. It probably can't be fixed, but life can be a little smoother, and you can start to see her pain - to see the illness she has, and hopefully feel supportive rather than annoyed.

My wife also was diagnosed with depression and anxiety - not BPD. I debate with myself every day whether I should suggest BPD to her psychaitrist. Your daughter may not consent, but her psych is only stopped from discussing her with you - you can talk to him about whatever you want. So you could call/write to the psych, outline the history, what you've seen and your thoughts. He could not discuss it with you at all, but perhaps it would give him something to look at. My only big hesitation with doing this is that my wife's psych has demonstrated many times that ANY comversation/communication I have with him, he will fully disclose all of it to my wife. Not sure if your  daughters would or not, but perhaps that is still a good result... .?

Hi cairns,

*welcome*

I would like to welcome you. I can see how frustrating, confusing and emotionally distressing that would feel when a loved displays traits of BPD and nothing seems to work  I can relate with that. It really helps to see a T ( therapist ) concurrently with a support group. Are you seeing a T? How supportive are family and friends? Are you getting a break and some time for yourself for selfcare?

PS Here's a good place to start: Topic: LESSONS: What can a parent do? (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.0)

Thank you I will do