BPDFamily.com

   I am 65 and I have a 36 year old daughter with borderline.  I raised her alone from the age of 4.  I now live in an assisted living home. My daughter lives on her own.  I am having trouble dealing with her.  How long must I be her support system? Help1

Hi ederlycoper,

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear that. I can see how frustrating and hopeless that would feel when we have a loved one that suffers from BPD. Many of our members here can relate with you and offer guidance and support. What type of problems are you having? You mention support system, is she asking for money etc? You're not alone.

Hi elderlycoper,

So glad to have you here with us.

Many of us parents struggle to know how much, when and if we should support our adult children.  It really depends on what you are able to do and if you are supporting or enabling.  There is a difference.

Whenever we do for our kids what they can do for themselves we are enabling them to stay dependent on us and not learn to be responsible for themselves.  Dealing with the aftermath of saying "no" can be a scary thing as our kids can sometimes use emotional blackmail and we can sometimes play fortune teller.  Our fears about the consequences of denying a request can be conquered with good communication skills like validation and using Support Empathy Truth statements.

We can support you as you learn these skills and begin to get a foothold on your limits regarding "support" whether it is emotional or financial.

I look forward to hearing back from you and learning more about you and your relationship with your daughter.

lbjnltx

Is there somewhere I can read more about these support empathy truth statements?

Absolutely, you can find it here Tools (https://bpdfamily.com/parenting/02.htm)