Print Page - Convinced its BPD, but not actually diagnosed.

Hi to all,

* This is a long post... .so if you are interested... .please read until the end! *

I was discarded by my Ex Girlfriend, ( to whom i could not have been more loving, honest, open and willing to, and her daughter too )

She cited depression as the reason, and that she needed to find love for herself, and to do that she needed to be on her own. Along with that, she also said she was 'mental', she destroys everything she touches and that i needed to be with someone who is deserving of my love, and thats what i want, need and deserve! .

In the first months of our relationship, she professed hundreds of words and promises, for her love, our future together and how wonderful my family was, and she was so lucky to meet me and be part of this family.

( The father of her daughter was painted out to be a nasty, abusive and irrational man, whom, all the time we were together, i was never 'allowed ' to meet, due to the possibility on how this could affect their daughter, and as daughter was main priority, i obviously did not want any harm being inflicted on the daughter, so i stupidly let this continue for too long. ( i was fed promises that it would be sorted out on occasions - but to others,( i now know ), they were told, we could never meet!

Our time together was controlled by this factor, and on many... .many occasions, i voiced my feelings that we have to meet eventually, otherwise our relationship would suffer too much. This was smoothed over by words of love and hope etc. ( Just for the record, i had a fantastic relationship with her daughter, she never heard one swear word, saw one argument, we spent fun times together and was close to my family.

After about 8 months, my ex and daughter had to move out of her house, into a friends place.( in her own words, she was no where near, to living with me,) I arranged storage of all household items free of charge, no moving costs in or out. After a year of tough times, and testing situations, I also managed to get a new place sorted through my best friend, a perfect place, at a reduced rent and so our new beginning was about to lift off.

I went on holiday, with her, daughter, mum, stepdad, and step brothers, which was good, not great ( broken promises about time together and i was beginning too feel on the outside, that was my gut reaction. Infact i had inclings, since the Christmas, 6 months earlier, that there was a change of sorts, as she had lots of ' quiet time ' , and less enthusiastic about doing stuff together.

During the timeline above, i was constantly messaged, told and promised how much more she loved me, her hope for the future, and how we were the perfect fit... .infact she could not put into words how happy she was to have met me.

2 months after the holiday, i got silent treatment ( no conversation in her, no sex, as when she is having a mood, sex is furthest from her mind ).

As she said she was depressed, i thought i would go along with her wishes of space between us, as i did not know a great deal about ' depression '.

She then created a situation of conflict, to which i reacted, ( rightly so, as been confirmed by others ), then proceeded to tell me, she cant give me the love i want etc etc and called it a day.

I was kind of expecting the worst, but could not actually believe it was happening, as this person, who was always pronouncing her total love for me, was willing to throw it away, and not get help for the so called ' depression ', so we could again be back to the ' perfect couple '. Infact, not once did she turn around and say " i want to get better, so we can be back to where we were. This really made me confused, angry and Sad.

It did not sit well with me, that it ended due to depression... .So... .out of my quest for knowledge, i went on the hunt for the Ex ( daughters father ), to introduce myself, and well... .to let him ( if he wanted ) meet the person, whom had spent 3 years in his daughters company and also to find out about their relationship and what went on! etc etc.

I sent him a message, ( as i got his number through research! ), and his reply was very receptive and ended by the words " happy to meet up and discuss the web of lies! "

* At this stage, i was under the impression, that my ex left him, because of his all round bad behaviour and that he had ' struck ' her once and she stormed out. *

The following came to light -

1.She left with their daughter, with no reason, no apology ( she had created another conflict situation, whereas he admitted to pushing her away, as she had made him so confused )

2.Up until a week before she left, she was telling him how much she loved him!

3.When he met her, she was already in a relationship, but made out it was so bad, and he was made to feel as if he rescued her from a bad situation. She was so amazing,

he was blinded by the attraction, and never mind she was playing up on another man

4.She never wanted to spend time with his family

5. He was always feeling like a detective, second guessing and was ' very confident ' she had meetings with someone else whilst at her mums ( overheard a conversation, but could not prove the exact words.

6. She always sent messages of love constantly, but he felt that she was also using him, until she had finished a course, to then qualify her for work

7. He was convinced her mum, never really liked him, and was confident she knew of her daughters dishonesty.

8. He admitted to staying with her for various reasons, but the main one was he did not want to let this amazing girl ( he once met ) go.

9. He did know about me,. but until we actually met up, he was under the impression, i was the person whom our Ex, had been having an affair with, whilst they were together!

Bearing in mind, i had not actually met our Ex yet, so that was not possible! ( that is how little he knew, and how much info was kept from him )

* At this stage, i have to mention, my Ex falling pregnant, was a total suprise, she was told she may not be able to have children due to a medical condition, and when she did, she was in a total nightmare of a situation, ( in her words ) as having the one chance to concieve, but with someone she does not want children with! She also suffered with severe post natal depression ( in her words )

And So... .

I Find out all these bits of information, that show our Ex has been dishonest and manipulating in her actions and words... .infact it cast a dark shadow on EVERYTHING

BUT... .heres the interesting part!... .

Our ex, does not know who i have hunted down, and i am now loaded with information and questions. I have not seen or spoke to her for 2 months.

I wont go into all the details, but basically, she had lied on so many fronts, but the worst of it all, was she had used her daughter as a tool, to stop the chance of

ever meeting up with the ex ( even without the knowledge, i now have about BPD.

The following information about my ex and her situation, im sure, will help in answering the original question posted.

Childhood Upbringing

1. At 4 years old, Her biological Father left their home ( not sure now, why that happened, but to this day, there has only ever been one meeting which went bad )

2. Step dad enters family, by all accounts, he is a good stepdad, although, lots of times, mum and stepdad went to pub after shopping and left my ex and stepbrother

waiting in car for an hour or so.

3. Lots of foster children taken in to family home, over a fairly long period

4. After 15 years together, as a family, my ( now 19yr old ) Ex comes home from work, to be greeted by her mum, loaded with suitcases... .followed by the words " im leaving, and moving in with new man ( husband no.3 ). If you want to come with us you can, or you can stay with stepdad.

5. My Ex, stays with Stepdad, and does not speak to her mum for 9 months

6. As i speak, My Ex, does not see or speak to Stepdad, ( not sure why ), but she now only speaks highly of her mum, and they have this strange relationship, more like good friends.

They live 200 miles away, but on regular visits, there is always much sadness on both parts?

* i believe she still holds deep resentment towards her mother, for, in essence, abandoning her at 19 years old, NO MATTER HOW MUCH SHE SAYS SHE HAS FORGIVEN HER MUM, and understands why her mum did what she ' had to do ';

Relationship with Myself

1. Intense Beginning to relationship, promises, declaration of love, great sex - tied in with rollercoaster of emotions.

2. Refusal to talk about or discuss matters that could incite anger ( meeting up with Ex )

3. Secretive about her past life in another county, prior to us meeting

4. Promises made but never delivered ( beginning and up to end of relationship )

5. Lots of issues with health matters - problems with contraception, regular 2 periods a month ( to avoid sex ? ), then suddenly all ok and promises of getting back to

how it was!

6. After initial closeness and excitement on my relationship with daughter - then many times, said daughter was feeling strange about me, and wanted mum all to herself

7. Vocalising on how empty and angry she felt alot of the time, getting depressed, going to doctors, getting prescription, but then not taking them.

8. Continued drinking of alchohol ( bottle of wine in an evening )

9. Would only be friends with girls that looked ' up ' to her and joined inwith her ways, any other girls that would be slightly stand offish, were put in the " i dont like her

basket.

10. Had one meeting with her for one hour, a month ago,and she cried constantly, apologised continuosly and told me she had attempted an overdose after i exposed her as a liar.

And also she said she was seeing a therapist, but was not talking about her past, as she did not want to!... .to many more criteria, to list... .but

Conclusion... .after reading the above... .SURELY, there is enough information ( glaringly obvious? ) to be convinced, she has BPD?

Any comments would be greatly appreciated. thanks in advance

BPDFamily.com

Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: spooktor on June 02, 2016, 05:45:21 PM