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After a lot of planning, I should be able to move out everything I need when she is not at home.  I was planning on 'doing the right thing' and waiting for her to come home, tell her in person that I was moving out.

The more I talk to people and think about it, this is a bad idea.  I just don't know how she will react and need to protect myself.  This feels wrong to me but I need to be smart about this, in case she gets violent or tries to accuse me of violence.  She never has before but I can't trust that she won't.

Doing 'the right thing' got me codependent and in this mess and I'm going to try to get out.

Thanks everyone here for the continued feedback and support.

Have you considered having a third party present so you can remain authentic to yourself by doing what you feel is right?

I'm so private I just can't imagine doing something like that - not even sure who I would ask.

Having the police there I think could escalate things even worse.

I personally don't think you should feel guilty about doing that. I think you should do whatever you feel comfortable doing, especially if you are afraid of a lack of predictability.

When I told my exBPDw that I wanted a separation, I did it over the phone for similar reasons. She ended up threatening suicide if I didn't come back and I did have to call the police three times. So, glad I did it over the phone--who knows, may have been much worse.

That all being said, I don't know your situation but... .if you are actually afraid of the person, then it changes code of conduct!

A family member or friend/neighbor who is somewhat aware of your situation?  

Do what you need to do to ensure your safety, that is of paramount importance!  I don't think you should get the police involved unless it is really necessary.

Dude, I had a friend that recently did the same thing. Trust me, you need someone there as a witness if you are worried in any way about her reaction. If it was me I would go so far as to have him make a video if she shows up. Just in case. Best of luck.

I  know that breaking up in person is the  right thing to do, in a normal situation. You are not in a normal situation though. I think you can  trust your instinct. I broke up with my BPD ex  by  text message - and I am not a person who would normally ever consider doing that.

I broke up with mine by text because I didn't think I would be able to walk away if I saw him.

Lx

My ex ended our 2 year relationship with a text ... .and I let her.  Funny thing is she had just recently complained about how much she hates text.