BPDFamily.com

I had my most peace after I broke things off by having her blocked! I just took that step again... .I am no longer giving her permission to come in and out of my life.

I don't know why I even entertain communicating with her.  Looking back I couldnt stand her... I couldn't wait to get away from her.  I am pissed at myself for allowing myself to get used by this parasite!

Blocking her is great. Keep up the good work!

If you couldn't stand her, this probably wouldn't be so hard.

Intellectually, you know this was an adjunct relationship for both of you. There are a lot of alluring things about it - the push and pull challenge - the reward - etc.  The play.  The game.

You're caught up in it. Understanding why will help you get to a better place.

What is it about the game that pulls you in? What is missing in your life that is fulfilled here?  How has this affected your relationship with your girlfriend?

Skip, I think it was the excitement.  It honestly was fast and furious from

The start with this girl.  She praised me and pretty much amplified all my traits.  I had a stable, long term relationship with my gf.  There were not many ups or downs but stability.  With this girl I felt like I found the fountain of youth and said wow... I still have it.  As this went on I started to grow weary of the extreme ups and downs with the other girl. She demanded more and more... .And became reckless.  I started to resent her when it became obvious she wanted everyone to find out.   That was when I withdrew... .She pretty much was using me as a pawn to make her husband jealous... .So I did resent her... .And ended it.   There are times I am open to contact because I have no doubt I'm craving the excitement and energy of when things first started.  I know I would never see her in person again. 

This is a powerful draw.

Looking back it's almost like she sucked out all the good energy, emotions and confidence I had.   When I ended it I called her a vampire.  She wouldn't sleep, would text me and call me all the time, if I was at work she was losing her mind if I didn't respond to her texts.  It was literally 24 hours of her needed contact.  All she would talk about was herself, how awesome she was as an athlete, how much money she allegedly made ( all a lie), how big her house was, and sex... .Sex... .And more sex... .I actually wanted a normal conversation. 

When you are in an affair, you are an adjunct partner - you fill a void in the otherwise ok relationship the other person has. Often the affair would not stand by itself - without the other relationship.  Part of what your are struggling with is the partial nature of her relationship with you.

Also, what you're likely holding onto is the "fountain of youth". That was always in your head - but it felt like it was coming from her / relationship. You can create that again, without her.

What is going on in your current main relationship?

Things are going well in my current relationship.  I enjoy the stability now.  At first when I cut contact with the BPD girl I found myself bored.  I'm

Now able to relax and start to move on.