BPDFamily.com

What I know is that I'm not strong enough to endure the symptoms of being with someone with BPD. I'm tired of being recycled and my children being exposed to the inconsistency. Even with feelings of emptiness and learning how to be with him at the same time is too much. This board definitely gave me the much needed insight that was beneficial to take the pressure off of myself and to understand him in a different light. I am accepting of my role and how I contributed Toto an unhealthy relationship as a codependent. Yup I realize that I have issues with abandonment and rejection and sticking to or trying to make a fantasy come true because of my inepts. However, to constantly be in emotional turmoil or mentally uncomfortable when still trying to support, love, be empathetic and validating is something that I don't want to think about years down the line is too powerful for me.

In short what I have come to know and realize that my pwBPD will never be rational, always have issues of trust (always thinking I'm with someone else), have diaregulated emotions that direct his behavior,  quick to always leave, never accept his role and etc that comes with the condition. In as much now I do see him as a boy stuck in a grown man's body, from the way he thinks, presents himself, down to how he chews his food, laziness, the thought that he can do things without consequences, lies, emotional triangulation, the tantrums and silent talk. Yup the mic can stay on the floor. When boundaries are asserted like on a child he cannot handle it. This is not about me but dealing with him I've come to realize I have some work to do in myself. I am deserving of safe, and  healthy  love. I am 39 years old and should not have to feel unliberated and the need to walk on egg shells to stay happy which inadvertently causes me distress. Nope! I was waiting for the next opportunity to come and it came. Goodbye and so long

hi Phenomenal Woman 

you sound understandably frustrated. what happened? what did the mic drop entail?