BPDFamily.com

I had my teeth cleaned today. My gums were bleeding and very sensitive. They never do that... .they asked me if I was under stress... .ummmmm... .Yes! Getting divorced next week. I am sick and tired of being stressed by him! I lost weight after I was on my own and I have been struggling the last couple of weeks with my diet. I have been stress eating to the max! I just want this over and the divorce will be next week, but because he is trying to take me to court again, I am really stressed about that. Talked to my lawyer again today... .it is really aggravating. My step father was in the hospital and is out, but there are more complications... .he thought he was going to die. This is causing me stress along with my Mother not coping with this at all... .she has all of her issues. I feel like a drama queen right now. I need to breathe... .

Since the discard, and during the STs, I had various degrees of:

-Anxiety

-Depression

-Loss of appetite

-General Fatigue

-Insomnia

-Tense Muscles

-Headaches

-Tightness in the chest

-Irritability

I had pretty much all the things sweet tooth listed, along with smoking, drinking, and being pretty much useless.

The first month of the problems/discard I binge drank almost every weekend.

I went from 272 down to 185, I had the cancer treatment and with a 85% success rate I thought I had this beat, in order to get this specialized treatment I had to jump through some serious hoops. I had to have everything in all the right sequence and even specific bone structure. I heard the doctors tell me to eliminate as much stress from my life as I possibly could.

Because I was still going through her issues and the birth of our son and her addiction while pregnant, I couldn't escape in a healthy way, I believe this is why my treatment failed and now I have to receive chemo for the rest of my life.

The chemo makes me weak and it has other nasty side effects as well, all of which work against me being the best I can be for my son physically. I am not complaining as there wasn't much I could have done to change any of these conditions. I am stating that being in a very toxic relationship with a BPD can cost us everything, even our very lives.

Jerry, have you looked into natural medicine? I know a Dr. of natural medicine that's helped cancer patients and kept them alive for TWENTY YEARS. He's a Dr. of Chinese medicine. He uses a lot of herbs, spiritual stuff (he's a Catholic Monk), acupuncture, etc.

Jerry, I am so sorry you are going through this... .I hate the stress they put us under. I hope you can find some time to do some relaxing things for yourself. Even getting out for walks in nature or deep breathing. Sometimes I just have to get off of the computer. Take care of yourself... .

Thank you and I'm fine, I just hope my story can help others realize being with pwBPD can be deadly and they nothing to fool around with. My life has never been better and in a strange twisted way it is because of this relationship. Her attempts to destroy me only made me stronger and for that I am thankful.

Strange how things work out... .I was dead and now I'm alive

Stress manifesting into the body is a very real thing, I feel.

1. Panic attacks. My wife would go out, party, and I would wake up with panic attacks with idea in my head that she was missing. Gone. I still have them but her loss of presence isn't immediately apparent.

2. Heart attack. I internalize stress. The last five years have been dedicated to helping her in various ways. Suffering from verbal abuse, lack of intimacy, and loneliness literally hurt my heart.

3. Thyoglossal duct cyst removal. It's a congenital condition in the throat. While I always had it, I still feel, my therapist would concur, my stress and inability to communicate within my relationship definitely affected the area around my throat.   

4. Loss of appetite. The weight. Day-in-day out. Her suicide ideation and how that might effect our young son takes away my appetite. The cheating doesn't help.

Toxicity in relationships and how it relates to the body is very real. I always blew off "stress-related" illness. My reasoning was that we all deal with stress in one form or another. I no longer feel that way.

I'm doing so much better now I'm out of the relationship but my exgf is not, just today going to a specialist and finding out her thyroid isn't functioning well? Text me this afternoon saying she's having breathing problems, this morning it was her cancer returning and a few days ago a full body rash and she can't stay awake. My I don't miss being around that broken down woman. She is in constant chaos and drama.

I'M FREE! LOL

Mine also had a problem with her thyroid. Something to remember: Don't take their complaints of physical ailments at face value. Yes, they might be feeling badly or have a problem. However, it might not be as severe as they make it out to be.

For sure sweet tooth, if she had 1% of the problems she thinks she has she would have died years ago. I don't understand why anyone listens to her anymore.

It's all attention seeking.

I can't tell you how often my ex had some kind of physical ailment. She kept going to the doctor about her thyroid. They told her that her levels were normal. She went to the hospital once because her "throat was on fire." She routinely felt fatigued, had colds, etc. Ine time she fell down and hurt her knee. She wore a brace, no fracture. She did the same thing with her kid. The kid had an ear infection, a sore throat, etc. She took the kid to the doctor when she the kid had bruises... .to make sure the sad didn't hit her... .

Do you see a pattern here? It's all stuff that isn't too serious and can't be disproven. Is it Muchauser's? I don't know, but I question the validity of her claims. Even when she was limping because of her knee it seemed exaggerated.

And we wonder why we doubt our ability to distinguish reality, these people have no reality and do and think what ever comes to mind and run with it. It truly is what I would expect from a child, certainly not a rational adult.

I took the opportunity to put something in one text today about myself just to see how my ex would respond between her texts about her illnesses and just like always, she didn't even acknowledge my statement.

Good grief... .

Health wise My breakup has been absolutely devastating. When I first was discarded both my physical health and mental health was compromised. I did not sleep (yet was so burned out from exaustion), I dry heaved every morning, I did not get off my desk chair, I cried, a begged, I lost. I started drinking and smoking, in hindsight it was the only way I knew how to cope at the time. Just Go numb. Unfortunately I have not fully recovered but I will say I'm so much better now than I was at that time. When I look back 10 years from now I will be proud of what I brought myself out of

Amazing.

When I met my wife, she was in a wheelchair due to sudden onset paralysis of her lower legs. She said she'd had a seizure and lost feeling and motor control in her legs. She had been to the Mayo Clinic for exhaustive tests, and they were trying all forms of treatments. (The truth is that she had a conversion disorder -- a somatoform disorder where her brain made her believe she had an injury with no physical cause.) This went into spontaneous remission several months later. She also claimed to have a long history of fibromyalgia, another fuzzy diagnosis with no clear evidence other than self-reported pain.

During our time together, she experienced all sorts of weird semi-unprovable ailments. Crippling shoulder pain that multiple diagnoses couldn't conclusively prove were caused by anything, though there were always little bits of evidence that didn't add up to a clear picture. Migraines. Vertigo. Assorted colds that came and went at random. I can't recall how many hours I spent in ERs with her or taking her to specialists to chase down elusive symptoms.

Insane Eye twitch/ Nervous Twitch for nearly 2 months

Weight loss (kinda awesome right now) :)

Sleeplessness

Fatigue

Horrible Digestive Issues- including one 'incident' at work.

Nearing the end of my relationship, my left eye would twitch constantly throughout the morning and evening. I was jumpy and anxious all the time and always worrying about the next time she may dysregulate and cause harm to herself or threaten to commit suicide.

The first time she cheated on me years prior was probably when I was affected the most physically by her actions. I had never experienced such profound betrayal and I think it's telling how I endured years of affairs and emotional and physical abuse afterwards but never reacted in quite the same way as the first time. During that period, I... .

Lost 20 pounds of weight because I constantly felt sick and couldn't eat.

Couldn't sleep for about a month, making me appear pale, weak, and far older than my age.

Headaches, migraines of the worst variety; the kind that makes you vomit because of the pain.

Muscle aches and general weakness that made me perform poorly at work.

I remember how viscerally it had affected me when she first slept with another man, and feeling that first betrayal will be an experience I think I'll carry with me for the rest of my life. Afterwards, more horrible things followed that greatly overshadowed her first act of infidelity, but I think just the fact that we were together for years and I had full trust in her and no reason to think she was capable of such horrible things scarred me greatly when she did what she did that very first time. It was such a shellshock and it shook me down to my core.

I have learned from this experience. I have learned to never tolerate these behaviors again, and anyone who would make me feel like she made me feel is not worth my time. I've learned the importance of trust and once it is broken, it is gone forever. I think I was never able to be quite as close to her ever again after that, and I simply prolonged a diseased and putrid relationship that should have just been put down years ago.

It's interesting because when we separated, even though I now feel the longing and the addictive withdrawal symptoms you come to expect after the end of a toxic relationship, my physical ailments suddenly lifted. My eye never twitched again and my anxiety dropped almost immediately, as if her IV drip of poison flowing in my veins was staunched tight and cauterized.

Did our ex-partner cause these things? Is that an accurate way to see our life?

So you know what it's like... .I fell for it, too... .Uggghh

our exes ailments are a separate discussion from how our body was effected. it might be useful to start a thread on the subject.

immediately following the breakup, i developed joint pain that made it difficult to walk. my sleep schedule went off the deep end. i couldnt eat and lost significant weight. i spiraled into depression and had crying jags daily.

it makes sense. during the relationship i was in a constant state of stress, anxiety, and adrenaline. with the relationship over, it reached a boiling point. stress, anxiety, and adrenaline take a huge toll on a person, but theyre not caused by someone else.

knowing that i allowed myself to get to that point, that i was neglecting my own physical and mental health while they deteriorated, was alarming to me. its something i intend not to repeat.

I have been NC from my exBPD/NPDgf since early May. Unfortunately I was so confused about what had happened that I had to keep contacting her. (I came home from work and the locks were changed. She texted me and told me that she had moved on and I needed to move on too). We had been together for almost 4 years and were inseparable almost the whole time. We had traveled the world together and I had helped get everything she has in life. I was destroyed. A couple of days later she said she was "talking to someone" that she knew from high school, which makes no sense to me because he lives in another state and is in the military. I don't understand how a BPD could have a LDR. She would flip out if I didn't answer her texts right away, How can an LDR possibly work for one of these people? It felt like my heart had been ripped out of my chest and thrown in a wood chipper. The anxiety was absolutely overwhelming. The worst part was how cold and callous she was through the whole thing. I'm pretty certain that she had been talking to him for months and setting him up as my replacement. There was nothingness in her eyes. Like I had never seen before.

A few days later I got a text from a mutual friend of ours asking what had happened between us. I asked him what he meant and he said she was posting pictures of her and this new guy all over social media (something she had never, ever done previously in her life). I know it was a direct attack on me and it definitely worked. I was on a trip with my kids and I felt the worst pain of my life! It had only been 2 weeks since her and I were last together and she had this guy come stay with her! Luckily my daughter had an anxiety pill with her and gave it to me. If not, I'm not sure I would have survived the day.

Here are the physical, social, and mental side effects I have endured thanks to this evil succubus:

- Almost constant anxiety (tightness in my chest, sick feeling in my stomach, feeling like the room is spinning, etc... )

- Nausea

- Weight loss (around 15 pounds, but I was thin to begin with)

- Severe shaking in my hands

- Loss of interest in things that previously brought me peace such as golf, biking, etc...

- Insomnia (I take sleeping medicine, but I wake up around 3 or 4 every morning and can't get back to sleep)

- Memory loss

- Lack of focus

- Feeling like this is the only thing I can think/talk about. I read books and articles and go to board like this almost constantly

The worst part is that her and I live in the same apartment complex for the next 2 months, so I have to see her and her car almost every day! That just keeps the anxiety going. The mailbox is right in front of her apartment window. I try to get the mail when she is gone or late at night when she is asleep. I appreciate this board and I wish I had seen it years ago. I never understood why I felt the way I did about her. She is/was not worth it! She made me absolutely miserable 90% of the time, but once you've had that first hit, you've fallen into their trap. It like the relationship between a "familiar" and a vampire. The vampire keeps the familiar around to feed off of and the familiar sticks around believing that the vampire will give him/her what she wants. They keep you just happy enough not to leave, but not happy enough to be happy. Eventually, once the vampire has drained you, it breaks all of it's promises and goes to look for a new familiar, leaving you to die in agony.

I feel like starting a national awareness campaign to warn others who still have a chance to save themselves.

Our partners caused the stress that led to the ailments... .so I would say, yes!

Do you accept the inverse of that? Did you cause your ex the stress that caused his illnesses, his depression, his cancer, his moodiness, his behavior... .

No, my ex had his own issues. He kept me up at night, cause physical problems to my body, raged at me for no reason, caused me high anxiety, manipulated me in to doing things I did not want to do... .I could go on, but you know the rest. He on the other hand, caused his own stress from his lies, drinking  and cheating.  Stress can equal illnesses. Look up Stress and Physical Health... .

I agree with Blue. It's cause and effect:

BPD causes the problems in the individual-->the individual lashes out at us--> their behavior creates dissonance within ourselves-->we feel badly

I completely relate and have had all the symptoms that sweet tooth mentioned. Lost 18 pounds during the worst of the times before the divorce and have now packed on that and then some from being depressed in the aftermath and sleeping too much and not leaving the house.

But... .I am giving myself time to even out and go through the post traumatic issues. 10 years of stress and abuse does not go away overnight.

I'm fairly certain that I had PTSD from when I was sexually assaulted by my "best friend" for a year and a half when I was a teenager. This was 15 years before I met my uBPD ex. Now... .? This is even worse than that, emotionally speaking. I broke away from my "friend" and never looked back. It wasn't a hard decision. In fact, I painted him black and still view him as a predator. I am having a very hard time viewing my ex as she is. Some days I remember the good times and I miss her horribly. Other times I think of the bad times and I'm glad she's gone. I'm extraordinarily conflicted.

Some of the comments here are hurtful. The reason I am saying is all of you seem to have problems as well. Speaking from my point of view I have always been an optimist. Tried to take care of everything for him, planning fun, making sure debt free, helping with his lung problem. Everything was about him.

I had been sick for years they thought I had MS ( cured or healed it with natural foods, raw diet etc), still got migraines but tried to never complain. Now I know why... .LOL Was in bed for days but when not was still gardening, cooking, baking, home-schooling, the list goes on. I did all the budget, finances, pantry stocking, everything for gifts, the kids etc.

He said well you were sick, but truly he never had to take off work for me, take FLMA for me, pick up the slack here as he was never here, he worked or commuted. When not I still made food for him all week. Etc.

I am not a martyr or victim, I will be happy, fine and my life will go on and be blessed. My point is very sick now, exhausted, and try not to do the drama with him while we end this all or tried to work on. Never once was he concerned for me. That is what I hear in many of the posts on here.

Ignore them, but you all don't like ignored. I am sick, but not OK when others are sick. Mine is UBPD, I sometimes wonder if some on here are the true BPD... .sorry just had to say.

I can honestly say some of my real healing has been once he was out of house. Never realized how much I tipped toed, walked on eggshells, took all the blame, tried to fix everything, took all the responsibility, and all the chaos. Geez.

But is he were on here would sound like some oh she is sick. Well yeah, tell him now I have no time to fight, or your screaming at me on the phone, no time for drama, I am sick or busy or whatever. I am trying to set my boundaries as well as make him see all I did and he could try to do the same, even if ending it.

When I met him he had a crappy job, no friends, and couldn't afford apartment any-more, was in debt then got sick. All kinds of excuses, I bought them all. My fault, my problem. I get that. Now I made sure he is debt free, good job, good insurance. Now that I am sick, he wants to leave me the house I paid for... ., no insurance, no help fixing or moving. Again not complaining. If he doesn't I will for the kids and I. I will try the best I can for them, and myself. Be positive, be kind to all. But darn... .

I wish you all blessings and healing. Take care of you.

if we are not responsible for our physical, mental, and emotional well being, who is?

if we cede our physical, mental, and emotional well being, and give that power to someone else, what does that make us?

^^^This.  I'm done with drinking for a good long while starting a few days ago.  It's time for me to start coping and processing in a sober and natural way. All drinking does is drown out the pain when we need to be feeling and processing every bit of it.

I totally and completely relate to the feeling of being conflicted.  One minute all I want is to do hold my ex in my arms and stroke her hair, the next minute I can't wait for the divorce to be final soon enough to get her out of my life.

"I am having a very hard time viewing me ex as she is."

Maybe that's because you love her.  I know I love my ex.  I certainly don't hate her or even think she's a bad person.  She's just damaged, lost, and in a very real way... .alone.  Her damage manifests itself by means of a very destructive disorder.

Very true, and not sure why I always put him, his health, his needs first. I want to be kind and know this is not the board for it but my personality type tends to do that. I would rather absorb someone’s pain as an empath then be the reason they have any, tend to avoid confrontations or dramas etc. But in end all that aside whether wanted to be the bigger person, the adult, or had to be it was not healthy. I need to put myself, my kids, my health first now. Thanks for the reminder, have been seeing that and realizing it lately. Need to stick to that.

Anxiety. Above all else, it's that. This isn't the first break up that's caused these symptoms in me, and I am a horrendous insomniac to boot. With my previous ('normal' break up before this one, I spent entire nights lying wide awake with my heart pounding in my chest.  Remarkably, this hasn't happened at all with this break up, even with all the pushing away and coming back that's gone on and the distress that's been caused. But the anxiety/heart palpitations are very much there. I saw him yesterday having come back from his holiday, we saw each other in town. We exchanged looks and smiles... .it's all just too much. I'm still in love, still anxious and mixed up. Not that this is related, but I got together with him several times on his last week here before his holiday, and yesterday was the first time I clapped eyes on him since I saw him off on his last day here. Some of you will know this has all followed months of silence so a LOT has happened these last few weeks. The look and smile is good... .there was no nastiness there. I don't even think my symptoms now are anything to do with the suspected BPD at all, they are just how my body relates to a heartbreak; and my heart has been broken. The heart palpitations and the strange nauseas feeling I have could apply to any break up. Although I would add that I've loved this person more than anyone or anything in my life, ever. I have often reflected that the reason I have cried relatively little by comparison to 'normal' break ups, and the lack of insomnia, this time, has been because the loss has just been too great, too surreal and too much to process. So my body hasn't let me. Trying to do breathing exercises right now to alleviate the symptoms... .

I was most definitely impacted physically in my relationship.  Stress, anxiety, depression and the physical side affects of those, particularly in the last 6 months of the relationship and months following the trash bin.  I do not blame my ex for these even if she indirectly caused them.  I am my own responsibility.  I chose to get into the relationship and remain in it.  The impact on me and my mental and physical health is mine and mine alone to own.

From mid April to end of May, I felt so awful.

I couldn't sleep well despite allocating 8 hours to sleep. Bloody bowel movements (don't worry, it stopped). Just feeling depressed in general.

Since beginning of this month, I felt much better. She treats me like a booty call. I'm just using her (perhaps we are using each other) until I find someone better. Meanwhile, she's been emphasizing how she's preparing to be a spinster cat lady.

Guys, I had this too. Let's face it, it's classical withdrawal symptoms from drugs / addiction / a depression.

So what do they give people who are trying to get off cigarettes or booze? Maybe it can work too? It must be the same chemical mechanism.