|
Title: My self worth really took a hit. Post by: Wize on June 08, 2016, 09:13:19 PM My self worth was already at an all time low when I met my uBPDw. I was incredibly lonely, reflecting on 25 years of shallow, meaningless relationships in which I gave and never received. I was tired of being alone, tired of having no one to share my life with, sad because all my friends and family members had SOs, kids and fulfilling lives.
And then BAM, there she was; my beautiful BPD wife. She could have been wearing a sign that said "I'm a f#$king disaster stay away" and I would have still pursued her. Although I really didn't have to pursue her. The love bombing commenced immediately. My self worth was suddenly restored, like filling a mug with ice cold beer. We were making all sorts of plans for our future. We bought a home together, loved every minute we spent together. Everything was wonderful. I started to get the sense that it was too good to be true. I sensed that something was wrong with my wife. I began to notice that she didn't really believe the things that she was saying, or that she didn't understand what they meant. It was like she was living in a fantasy world. A world that started to become very twisted. Then... .our marriage started to fall apart. Now, here I am again; alone and not feeling all that great about myself. I've been holing up in my apartment and only leaving for work and for groceries. I avoid my friends and family, for the most part. I feel like I'll never find love. I feel like I'll never find someone who appreciates me and sees me as special the way my BPD wife did. A question for my fellow bpdfamily members; what have you done to build or rebuild your sense of self worth? Title: Re: My self worth really took a hit. Post by: sweet tooth on June 08, 2016, 09:37:15 PM My self worth was already at an all time low when I met my uBPDw. I was incredibly lonely, reflecting on 25 years of shallow, meaningless relationships in which I gave and never received. I was tired of being alone, tired of having no one to share my life with, sad because all my friends and family members had SOs, kids and fulfilling lives. And then BAM, there she was; my beautiful BPD wife. She could have been wearing a sign that said "I'm a f#$king disaster stay away" and I would have still pursued her. Although I really didn't have to pursue her. The love bombing commenced immediately. My self worth was suddenly restored, like filling a mug with ice cold beer. We were making all sorts of plans for our future. We bought a home together, loved every minute we spent together. Everything was wonderful. I started to get the sense that it was too good to be true. I sensed that something was wrong with my wife. I began to notice that she didn't really believe the things that she was saying, or that she didn't understand what they meant. It was like she was living in a fantasy world. A world that started to become very twisted. Then... .our marriage started to fall apart. Now, here I am again; alone and not feeling all that great about myself. I've been holing up in my apartment and only leaving for work and for groceries. I avoid my friends and family, for the most part. I feel like I'll never find love. I feel like I'll never find someone who appreciates me and sees me as special the way my BPD wife did. A question for my fellow bpdfamily members; what have you done to build or rebuild your sense of self worth? Feelings do not equal facts. In his book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy," Dr. David D. Burns refers to this as "emotional reasoning." It's a common cognitive distortion that causes people emotional distress. I highly recommend that you check out that book. As far as increasing self-worth goes, I'm working on that myself. I recommend you find a therapist, force yourself to spend time with friends and family, and exercise. Title: Re: My self worth really took a hit. Post by: KarmasReal on June 08, 2016, 09:53:59 PM Been there felt those feelings, still feel those. I was okay before I met my ex, I was dating but still wanted that close bond relationship I see so many others in my life with. I'm not exactly in a big time city, and at 31 I feel a little odd ball about being single. But those are more my own self doubts than other people's, I'm coming to find out. I miss that bond with my ex so much that being alone is god awful right now. But I am doing a few things to work at getting better I'll share them with you.
I am currently seeing a therapist, it's good because you can talk about your fears and feelings unlike you can talk to anyone else about them. I go to the gym at least 5-6 days a week. It not only makes you look better physically but it does release endorphins and helps you feel better emotionally for a while too. I'm getting more involved in work. I work at a gym so it's nice to be around like minded people, and the pretty girls help out too. I go out with my friends. Being around friends, having some drinks, and being at fun places where there are girls and you can talk and make connections with is a great way to feel better. I got back on tinder. Yes it's kind of fun but also sucks when some people don't message you, but some do. I've matched with girls 6,7,8 years younger so I know to stop letting my age get in the way. And some girls message and maybe something will come out of it, who knows, I've met girls on there before. Last, I found this life coach that does YouTube videos, books, etc. named coach Corey Wayne. He's a real positive, realistic, dude, he straight shoots. Most of his videos are about being the best you can be, relationship advice, how to get the best you deserve. They are awesome. Whenever I'm down I binge watch his videos not only learning but hearing people and his own successes in relationships when they had just a hard of time with certain things like I do. It gives me hope to make action just like he does. I recommend them. Those are a few things that are helping me out, maybe they could help you too. |