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Title: BPD 'spouse' is expressing rage to our 3 yr old son over feeling rejected Post by: ACEFAM on June 09, 2016, 05:59:29 AM Hello. Thank you in advance for your time. I am feeling lost & will appreciate your feedback.
I am a 40 yr old woman, living with a 45 yr old man, just recently diagnosed with BPD. We have a 3 yr old son, together. My son has taken to favouring me (common for a 3 yr old, as I am his primary caregiver)... And will tell his father he 'doesnt want him', to 'go away' etc when / if his father is coming to him to comfort him. His father will then experience a dramatic disturbance & impulsively thrash around the house while yelling out verbal abuse obscenities ie 'you always always always cry', 'you're turning into a real suck', 'I dont want you either' & assorted profanities. Our son is of an age where he is now aware of words, and aggressive energy & it's meaning & I can see that it makes him feel uncomfortable. I am trying to be supportive as my partner/ his father is receiving DBT therapy once/ week... But I fear that our son is incurring damage at a critical time in his young development. My instinct is to protect our son but my spouse is our sole financial suppoet at this time. My son is extremely attached and sensitive, already... & so I have chosen to stay home with him until he starts school next year. I am at a loss. What do I do? Title: Re: BPD 'spouse' is expressing rage to our 3 yr old son over feeling rejected Post by: livednlearned on June 09, 2016, 12:30:44 PM Hi ACEFAM,
Welcome and hello :) Living with and loving someone with a mental illness is a challenge! And on top of that, you are raising a young child together. We are here to walk alongside you and be here when you need support. This may be helpful: Excerpt Recovery from Borderline Personality Disorder is challenging. Individuals having committed family support heal significantly faster and at higher rates than those isolated or on their own. Being a caretaker of a person with Borderline Personality Disorder is complex and demanding, even self sacrificing, and it requires strength, love, realistic expectations, protecting your family, and preserving your own emotional health. For the family, very little is intuitive, it takes specialized skills to support a loved one. According to Dr. John Gunderson, MD, it is important to allow them to fail in a loving way - to learn about reality. Defining and constructively enforcing limitations is important, too. Too often, people assume that the person with BPD should know and respect their limits as any other adult would. This is not a realistic assumption for people with this disorder. You set limits by stating them in advance and in clear, simple language. You are intuitive about your son's needs, and trying to help him make sense of the baffling behavior he sees his dad exhibit. My son went through the same thing, and has what I could describe as a "sensitive genotype." Your instinct to protect your son is a good one! When you see your son feel uncomfortable, how do you respond to him? LnL |