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Since the separation with my ex partner, I've rediscovered my appreciation for music and the way it can speak to you and put emotions into words. I'm currently repeatedly listening to Unlovable by Darren Hayes, which I feel describes my situation vividly. I'm wondering if there's anyone else here who has turned to music and has particular songs or artists they've been listening to to help them through this emotional turmoil.

I've written out the lyrics to the song here, because I've found that writing the lyrics out manually instead of actually looking them up made it feel like my own emotions were coming out and onto the screen, and it has made me feel a bit better today.

Are my lips unkissable?

Are my eyes unlookable?

Is my skin untouchable?

Am I unlovable?

Cynical, jaded, faithless, disappointed, disillusioned, used

If I could take back all my sweat, my tears, my sex, my joy, I would

My time, my love, my effort, passion, dedication

In a case of mistaken identity, I gave these things to you

If I sound angry, bitter, sad, infatuated, it's the truth

Denial, anger, bargaining, depression,

Just a few stages of acceptance that it's really over

It's just so complicated

I'm stupid for believing in you

You make me feel like my father never loved me

You make me feel like the act of love is empty

Am I so unlovable?

Is my skin untouchable?

And do I remind you of the part of you that you don't like?

I had your back, I held you up,

I told you you were good enough

It was never reciprocated; you kept affection and yourself apart

You fed your love to me like crumbs to pigeons in the park

Sometimes I think it satisfied you to see me begging like a dog

I wasn't armored, you were king, I gave my everything

Because sometimes you'd show me just a hint of you within

For just a moment, I romanticized the notion

I could take away the torment,

I could love you like they never did

You make me feel like my father never loved me

You make me feel like the act is empty

Am I so unlovable?

Is my skin untouchable?

And do I remind you of the part of you that you don't like?

You make me feel like my mother abandoned me

You make me feel like the act of love is empty

Am I so unlovable?

Is my heart unbreakable?

And do I remind you of the part of you that you despise?

Are my lips unkissable?

Are my eyes unlookable?

Is my sex undoable?

Am I unlovable?

Are my words unlistenable?

Are my hands untouchable?

Am I undesirable?

Am I unlovable?

www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTNCstrj6FU&feature=youtube_gdata_player

Nice one. Those lyrics do seem to touch on a lot of things that seem similar. Music has been a great friend for me too lately.  :)

One album I listened to a ton during the first few weeks of the separation was "Hospice" by The Antlers. On the surface, one would think it's about taking care of someone dying, but all of the songs go together to tell the story of a dysfunctional relationship with someone who seems to be mentally ill/abusive.

The album takes a journey from the narrator meeting, falling in love, being changed by/mistreated and then being left by the partner. Then it goes on to talk about the aftermath of being out of that person's life and getting back on track. It's really powerful story that I think a lot of people here would relate to.

The first line: I wish that I had known in that first minute we met, the unpayable debt that I owed you.



https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xSi_FE52TAY

":)ead Memories" - Slipknot

Sitting in the dark, I can't forget.

Even now, I realize the time I'll never get.

Another story of the bitter pills of fate.

I can't go back again. I can't go back again... .

But you asked me to love you and I did.

Traded my emotions for a contract to commit

And when I got away, I only got so far.

The other me is dead.

I hear his voice inside my head... .

We were never alive, and we won't be born again.

But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart.

Dead memories in my heart

Dead memories in my heart

You told me to love you and I did. Tied my soul into a knot and got me to submit.

So when I got away, I only kept my scars.

The other me is gone.

Now I don't know where I belong... .

And we were never alive, and we won't be born again.

But I'll never survive with dead memories in my heart.

Dead memories in my heart

Dead memories in my heart

Dead memories in my heart

Dead visions in your name.

Dead fingers in my veins.

Dead memories in my heart

Dead memories in my heart

Dead memories in my heart

Dead memories in my heart


Great line in a John Legend tune that we often felt relivant to us both, "your crazy and im out of my mind"

Jayz and Justin timberlake: holy grail. Was my song about it "one day your screaming you love me loud,the next day your so cold.

Thanks everyone for your contributions to this thread. It gives me a lot to explore as I try to squeeze out all my locked-up internal emotions and get them out and onto the surface.

And thrownforaloop, I listened to that album over the weekend and all I have to say is wow. That is one hell of a journey and very relatable indeed. Thank you so much for sharing.

-Hot 'n Cold by Katie Perry

-Why Judy Why by Billy Joel

-The Stranger by Billy Joel

-Crazy B*tch by Buckcherry

-Wicked Game by Chris Isaak

-I Would Did For U by Prince

There are others. I can't recall the offhand.

Why Judy Why really describes my feelings to a T. I provided a link to s YouTube video.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=w9z-Riq443g

Hot n' Cold describes BPD very well, in my opinion.

Ex Factor, by Lauren Hill... .heard it on the radio today and it really made me very sad.

Korn counting on me.

Slipknot vermillion

Grenade, Bruno Marrs

Also korn good god

A perfect circle the outsider

Slipknot snuff

Scary thing is my ex looks similar to the girl in the video.

Started making me wonder if Clown, Corey and the other writers in Slipknot have had experiences with BPD partners lol...

Henry Rollins - Liar.

I hate you don't leave me - Demi lavato

Strange thing- my ex listened to allot of THree Doors Down when I met him- their songs on their Seventeen Days album made sense to me why he listened... , the songs; be somebody, behind those eyes you lie, let me go, never will I break- and so on. All make sense now. He liked apologize by timberland, forever young by timberlake. It's weird to know why he liked those now. I love ain't that lonely yet by Dwight yokam. Borderline by Madonna is literally about pwBPD, and that crazy hello song by Adele makes me think of a pwBPD every time I hear it. You Outta know by Alanis  morrisset is a great one for me! All of me -he and I listened to - "your crazy and I'm out of my mind"... .One time dean martins " you're mean to me". So many songs to choose from. Walk away- Christina agulara... .

'Merry Go Round' - Keith Sweat.

Give it a listen!


"Merry Go Round"

(Merry go round and round)

Ho, ho, no

I'm sick and tired of goin' 'round

(Merry go round and round)

Why you wanna do this to me, baby

Hey no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no

It must feel good to you, baby

To hurt me over and over again, yeah, baby

And it must feel good to you, baby

To see me cry, yeah, girl

You say, you will, you say you won?t

Baby, why don't you make up your mind

You say, you do, you say, you don't

Baby, baby, please be kind

You love me now, and then you don't

Baby, why do you keep playin' these games

I feel like I'm on a merry go round

Goin' round and round and round and round and round

Merry go round and round

Merry go round and round

Merry go round and round

Round and round and round and round I go, baby

Where I'm gonna stop, baby, only you know that

Didn't I give you everything, baby

You ever wanted, girl, yes, I did

And all I ever wanted to do, baby

Is satisfy your world, yeah, yeah, baby, baby, babe

I gave you this, I gave you that

But it didn't mean anything

When you love someone right

You don't expect them to do you wrong, baby, baby, babe

Why did I do to deserve this pain, girl

You just keep doin' this same thing over and over again

I feel like I'm on a merry go round

Goin' round and around and around

And around and around and around

Merry go round and round

Merry go round and round

Merry go round, baby

Round and round and round and round I go, baby

Where I'm gonna stop, baby, only you know that

(Merry go round and round)

Merry yeah yeah

Merry, merry go round

(Merry go round and round)

I just can't understand it, baby

(Merry go round and round)

Why do you wanna treat me like you do, girl

I don't know, baby

(Merry go round and round)

Everything you wanted I always gave you, girl

(Merry go round and round)

You didn't have to want for nothin'

You didn't have to ask for nothin', baby

(Merry go round and round)

I tried to be the best that I could be, baby

(Merry go round and round)

And now you treat me like I'm nobody, nothin', baby

(Merry go round and round)

Life is, life is so, so unfair