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I know I think about my friend all the time and ruminate about him deeply; do you think they also have times where they sit and think about us non's and have the urge to pick up the phone/text/reach out etc. when they are feeling particularly low?

My friend used to text me 'can you talk tonight' quite a bit and if I couldn't and ask if he was ok he would reply with 'yeah, just feeling a bit low and wanted someone normal to talk to'.  My friend told me he feels mostly sad all of the time and he would reach out to me quite a bit; sometimes randomly phoning me at work hoping to catch me on my lunch break just to chat. I truly believed I was someone who could raise him out of his darkness at times.

I do wonder who has now picked up the baton in my absence and who he turns to, if anybody.  Problem is, even if he did want to reach back out to me he is stubborn and won't make the first move.

If they have a replacement then most likely all their time energy and focus is on the new relationship.

Hi izzybusy,

Yes of course I think there are times when our ex's think about and miss us, sometimes even if they are with someone else. At least that has been my experience. It would be hard for me to lose a caring friend like you, so I wouldn't be surprised if your ex wanted to reach out to you at times, to be comforted like he was before.

Are you feeling an urge to reach out to him?

heartandwhole

I try really hard to not wonder if my x ruminates about me. All it does is makes me feel bad and want to contact her. I probably would do so in a moment of weakness if I had any inkling that she wanted to hear from me.

If I was judging purely by how much my ex talked about her ex husband, then I'd say yes, at some point, everyday, they think about us. Because, damn, I had to hear about that guy every freaking day for the last 4 years. But if I mentioned my ex, oh lord, was I in for it.

So, I think the short answer is yes.

In my case my ex talked about, not so often but not so rarely, her most important ex bfs.

I think it depends on the individual, but I guess it's safe to say they think about us often, even if at an "internal rumination" level only (so, it's also possible that you'll never know).

Fact is, they create so many traumas on themselves and on their ex significant others -- and they try to avoid processing these traumas with every bit of strenght in their soul -- that I'd be suprised if such traumas would not re-emerge, even if only at sub-conscious level, at some point in the future... .

Overall, it's mind-boggling  :)