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It probably means that you're not as crazy as them.

So my ex admitted to being crazy in love with someone she said she thought was Bi Polar, who verbally abused her.  But she didn't fall in love with me who treated her like a princess.

What does that tell you? 

All it tells me is she doesn't love herself. I think love for them is infatuation. Once us nons get out of the infatuation stage and move to the living stage they feel we don't love them and their defense mechanisms kick in. Love is too adult for their immature emotions so they don't understand it.

It's the same with guys, we don't deliberately date a girl because she cheats or shouts at us, but sometimes we choose to stay because something else makes it worth while. I think lots of women stay with verbally abusive guys in spite of the abuse, not specifically because of it, BPD or not.

One thing I know is that women don't like to be treated like princesses.

Now if it's the actual abuse she enjoys, that's a different story... .but how would one know for sure if that's the case?

Hi NCEA,

I think that many of us on can relate with wondering what's wrong with us - why did he / she leave me? Your self worth is not determined by the new relationship.

Yes, princess is the wrong word, just being very kind and nice and understanding. This particular girl, I think she needs someone who is really an ass, she loved me the most when it was an open relationship and she had little to no control over me. As soon as I really fell for her - it was game over.

I know what you mean. I was actually discussing this a couple of days ago - that they seem to lose interest when you get too close emotionally. I think that was one of the core issues with my ex, intimacy freaks her out. But it's kinda liberating in a way, at least I know she's incapable of ever giving me what I really want.

Well, of course, I also know what will bring her back: a three months NC period.

I hope 3 months from now I'm still lovy dovy with my new girl.

What makes you think that would bring her back?

Cuz he read it in a book.  Maybe he saw it on youtube.  We don't know what our ex's will do because we don't really know them... .they don't know themselves. His ex could be latched onto someone else in 3 months.  Who knows.

Because it worked last time around.

For me it means that I had become a trigger. Someone who began seeing through her disorder, and challenging her.

What does this mean, NCEA? If you are not still with your new girl, what do you think will happen?

Be single, see someone else? I'm not sure what do you mean.

Oh! Sorry, I thought you were alluding to a possible recycle, and I wanted to get your take on it. 

And that guarantees next time around?

In her case, if she'll be alone, yes. Nobody will ever know she's BPD, every time she'll fail at another relationship she'll know for a fact that the only person who really knows what's going on is me.

Poor thing, I hope after the next round she'll finally get some CBT. I told her , gently , what she was having. I've spread that conversation over two months. Oh well... .Next time it will be as an observer, not a player.

There really is no guarantee each time to what works to have them come back in my experience,it all depends on them and their needs,one thing is for sure though is that I can usually tell when she's coming back a day or so before... it's really strange almost like a storm coming in,I've always been right about it when I get the feeling.