BPDFamily.com

Hi guys

So yesterday I changed my profile picture on Facebook; still remain unblocked by friend on there.  My phone is set to do not disturb from 10pm onwards so when I went to bed at midnight and went to put my phone on charge there was a text at just gone 11 from an unrecognised number saying 'txt me'.  I responded saying who is this.  A text came back saying Alan, who r u?  Alan isn't my friends name and its nobody I know so I text back saying sorry think you have the wrong number.  Another text came through saying 'what's ur name'.  I text back saying ok, goodbye.

Now I know sometimes people text by mistake but this is weird because 1. I never get wrong number texts; 2. The evening before I text my friends number from my daughters phone (some random message like I had text the wrong number) to see if he had changed his number, it went through but no response and 3. I had changed my profile number only a couple of hours before.

I am wondering if he's playing the same game as me to see if I've changed my number etc.

Ideas?

Yes I think it was your ex or ex friend. I don't know if you were romantically involved with your ex or it was just a friend. Same chaos. So yup I think it was him. Especially since you have never gotten anything like this before. Some I don't know if it's all tend to stalk you after the breakup. I had similar things happen to me but never texts. I have gotten Fake Facebook messages when I have have been on FB for years  and never gotten anything like that before only after my ex discarding me. Then I started to get blocked calls on my cel and house phone . Te last one on my cel was 2 weeks ago and I'm still getting them on my home phone. Back to back no less on the 7th and the 8th of this June. I pick up no one there. So I do believe this is my ex. Who k own she could be now triggered since it was last June she went after me full force and I was stupid and took her bait. Only to be discarded on Sept 4th last year. I mean if you sit there and think how nuts this really is... .You don't want us . You claim you don't love us etc etc and then here you are stalking and doing all this FB and phone crap. Still amazes me.

I get phone calls and sometimes texts due to wrong number.  I wouldn't necessarily jump to the conclusion that it is him.  What do you hope to achieve with this "game"?

   

You've got to admit it all a bit coincidental given me changing my profile number etc.  Once you text somebody 'you've got the wrong number' or realise yourself you've text the wrong number you don't then go on or expect someone else to say 'what's ur name?' do you, that's just weird.

Hoping he'll reach out properly if it is him.  

It may be weird but believe it or not that exact thing has happened to me and without any "ex" in the background that might be probing.


Understood.  If you want to talk to him why don't you call him?  Why play games?

Fear of rejection.

I can totally relate to that.   Why do you fear rejection?   It can't be any worse than what you are going through now ... .can it?

i can relate to a fear of rejection as well. its very difficult to define, let alone act according to our needs when fears are clouding our judgment, and its a very powerful fear i think most here can relate to.

what do you mean by fear of rejection in this context? do you mean you fear that if you reach out, he will reject you?

Yes; huge fear that he will reject me if I try to call him and I can't put myself through that again.

I don't know; the timing of this text last night was very coincidental to me uploading a new photo and the day after I sent a text to him from a number he wouldn't know to check if his phone number still worked.  I did it as I thought if he still had his old number despite telling me he was changing it, it might he's hoping I'll reach out again at some point. 

trying to get in his head may also make it challenging to know how to go forward. are you looking to detach or revive the relationship? what are your goals?

I'm want to re-establish contact as I miss his friendship; I have good and bad days but overall I'm miserable without his friendship.

if you are looking to reestablish contact and friendship, i strongly encourage you to visit and share your story with the Saving board, as this is the Detaching board, and most of the advice you will receive here will reflect that.

you can find the Saving board here: https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?board=15.0

Thanks but the choice of re-establishing contact is out of my hands so reading the stories on this board helps me somewhat.

I can relate with the fear of rejection... .indeed, this is exactly what happened to me after 13+ months of NC, unexpectedly:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=293643.0;all

Afterwards, this had bad effects on my mood for 2-3 weeks. Fear of rejection can be extremely powerful... .my advice is to avoid contact at all, if you have such fear: even when they ask you to spend the evening with them, their "opinion" on you can change the day after (without any plausible reason, obviously) lol

They can be very, very cruel.

I also have fear of rejection. I probably would have contacted my ex by now if she hadn't initiated no contact, however.

Izzy, you and I are exactly in the same boat... .

How is it out of your hands?

I've tried by email three times and met with silence each time; I'm not doing it again.

Excellent choice, you have to protect yourself. There's nothing you can do about him... .better to create new, saner friendships. A big hug  

This is certainly your choice and a good one if this is what you need to let go.  I might though suggest if you email with the expectation you won't get a reply then you won't be disappointed if you get none.  

Lets suppose for a moment that your suspicions are correct and he was probing around to get information on you, wouldn't this be the ideal time to send that email?

I do think the text was too weird to be a coincidence as its never happened to me before and the timing is just plain strange but if it was him then he needs to reach out to me as I'm done trying. 

I'm a strong person and normally stuff like this wouldn't phase me but as I have feelings for him and have lost him already once in this lifetime I can't allow myself to be hurt by him if he were to reject me. 

I can understand this.  He is your friend and you miss that friendship, so perhaps we could explore what these feelings are and why you are afraid of being rejected by him?  Clearly the situation as it stands now is also hurting you so how do we work towards a resolution for this?

I have no idea; I've slept on it and still don't know.  I've had no more weird texts so back to thinking maybe it was my imagination/wishful thinking.

Yea, I know all too well how tempting it is to read into something that is probably not there.  Whether or not it was him we still have the problem of you being emotionally stuck between a rock and hard place of your making.  Only you can choose to get out of that place.   :)