BPDFamily.com

Went to court today for the restraining order. He didn't show, of course (I knew he wasn't going to). It is continued for 2 more weeks.

I am struggling with wanting my non-delusional husband back and knowing that he is gone. It is hard because this won't be a "normal" divorce. He is literally so delusional that he is non functional. I think he is staying in shelters. I don't understand how he could destroy the house and then want to wander the streets. Clearly, it's advanced mental illness and substance abuse. In a normal divorce, you know where the ex is living and you talk to figure out finances, etc. My husband may be under a bridge.

I'm also struggling with maybe if he gets help the man he was will emerge and we can heal things- he could get treatment. But the reality most likely is that he will be in jail or dead, or living with untreated mental illness, but I don't think he can even do that for long. So how do I know if something has happened to him? How do I find him to get a divorce when I am ready? If he's at a shelter how crazy does he have to be for someone there to call 911? I doubt he has ID on him but if he doesn't... .will I ever know?

How do I stop loving him and missing him?

If no one (mother, brother, etc) hears from him for a few days do we file a missing persons report? As his wife, do I do it? What would that do?

Thanks in advance.

Never mind. I got the meanest, BPD-EST (I made that word up) email EVER.

Lmfao. I hate BPD I swear

He sent an email saying that he wants a divorce immediately citing irreconcilable differences. He said that I wanted him caged (i.e., married and monogamous) and that he is most upset that I manipulated him, his family, and his adult son. I'm trying to figure out how I could manipulate people I only speak with when he is a delusional mess. Last year his adult son and I tried to get an involuntary commitment that the VA screwed up. I did alert his son to his delusions caused by (we thought) drug use. I texted him the other day to let him know his Dad was no longer here due to the restraining order.  His son and I are closer that they are to each other... .I had arranged a Father's Day thing.

If I don't give him an immediate divorce by agreeing to change the separation date to a year ago when we were together (my state requires a 1 year waiting period from the date of separation) he said he will refuse to sign any financial forms I might need.

I feel like I've been hit by a truck.

My advice is to kill them with kindness. That way when you look back you at least know you did your best and stayed true to your heart. This is probably not a recommended procedure on this board but I wish I had done that instead of losing my cool and what not. Act indifferent with the up most respect and kindness it might throw him off a bit because he sees you as a villain right now