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Well guys, my divorce is Friday and it look likes it is going to actually happen. I have such mixed emotions... .On one hand, I am ready for this to be over with. Ready to change my last name back to my maiden name. I feel like I am trying so hard to be tough and strong all the time that I forget to feel sad. The next minute I am crying... .I know he is not sitting there alone like me, but I wonder if he is having any thoughts on this marriage actually ending. I wonder if he is sad at all.  :'(  His baby is not getting all of the attention it did at first on Facebook (yes, I have looked) and so that may not be so exciting for him as it originally sounded, with all of the fantasies of how great it will be... .now it is here and he has to deal with reality. I just wonder if he is happy with his choice. I know I am much better off and I look forward to being able to have a better life and possibly meet someone in the future that I can have a real relationship with. It's just still sad. I got my hair done today to make myself feel better and the next thing I know I was crying.  Endings are hard and it is closing out a decade of my life! It has been a major learning lesson... .it has changed who I am. I think in some ways for the better, which is good. I just can't believe it had to go this way... .I have so may friends that have been married for 20 plus years and they have been through good and bad times. They stick it out. Mine made it impossible to do that and I don't think he ever intended to. I feel like such a failure... .this is what he said to me a while back. He said " I failed you"... .I feel like I failed me! Even though we have been apart nearly 15 months now and not spoken since January or even text since March... .this is for real now. This is the end.  :'(

Hi Blue

I wish I was in your position with just 2 days to go before my marriage was over,keep your head up and look at it as a new chapter in your life is about to begin.

I know it is easier said than done.

Don't feel a failure, your friends who have been married for 20 plus years are probably not married to someone with BPD.

Sid

Congratulations, Blue

Thanks... .yes, you are right... .although I think one is, lol They have two kids and she is always in the hospital my sister tells me. I wonder if one day I will hear about their separation. He is a friend from high school. Funny, allot of my friends from high school are still with their spouses. It is amazing to me. I live in another state now, but I hear about it all from my sister and I keep up with them on Facebook. I see them all occasionally when I go home. I just keep having bad relationships. It's embarrassing.

LOL... .thanks- I guess I should be thinking positive and looking forward the the next decade in my life. : )  Just kind of sad right now.

Oh marry me lol, at least I know your not cuckoo.

You just set off a red flag... .lol     Thanks for making me feel better... .

When I was in the process of getting divorced from my AS-husband, I cried a lot. I knew I had to move on. I knew it was the best thing to do. Yet, I still cried. It's okay to be sad. It's the body's cleansing process. Having a good cry is really going to help.

Sending you hugs

LW x

Hi Heron:)

I enjoyed reading this:


It is sad but happy at the same time.

Please try not to get overwhelmed. The series of events is unfortunate but to call your life a failure is taking it a little far. The sadness comes through in your writing. I'm sorry things are difficult now. You do have reasons to be sad right now. It's alright. 

I'm sad and happy for you all at the same time  . Feel the feelings Herodias. This is a new beginning for you.

Yes, the end of a chapter in your life but... .the beginning of a New Chapter!  Look forward, not back.  Ponder the Five stages of Grieving a Loss (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=138154.0) and Acceptance - the Final Stage (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=72841.0).


I would have written "me first"  but... .red-flag Avoid a rebound relationship.  Give yourself time to recover before seeking a new relationship.  Recovery is a process, not an event. :thought:

.     thank you!

I've followed your story for awhile on here.

I know this must be such a mixed bag of emotions.

You have a lot of great things ahead of you!  Believe it!

ONE MORE DAY... .?  (fingers crossed)