BPDFamily.com

Picked up my son and the ex was talking about the night she got roughed up by her bf. She said she was abusing him verbally and he got upset and they pushed each other around and ended up wrestling. Oh? That sounds all too familiar... .

She still thinks she's ok and that her relationship is fine and this was a once in a life time occurrence. I know her and this will continue until he hurts her seriously or leaves or both.

He's currently on probation for the abuse and she explained the reason he plead guilty was and I quote... ."he's a nice guy and he's honest"

Well the last time I wrestled with my ex was when she kidnapped me inside her apartment and wouldn't allow me to leave. I gently persuaded her to move.

She is so deluded and out of touch with reality.

I fear for her but I fear more for my son.

She said my son wasn't home when it happend like that makes it better. She abuses him just like she did me and expects him to allow it?

Anyway she said I wasn't in my son's life at the time, this was when she took my son to stay with her bfs family without notifying me. I told her at the time I was still trying to wrap my mind around her telling her bf I raped her. Her response was that's what he believes as if her telling him had nothing to do with her being the helpless victum.

Yuk yuk yuk she is so twisted  

Forgot to mention I asked her to stick to our son and nothing else, I told her I was not part of her life any longer and I certainly wasn't interested in us being friends. Told her she had nothing on her personality I considered worthy of friendship. I know she won't stick to this but I need to establish bounderies.

Are you concerned about having your son around an abuser and is there anything you can do to prevent him from having contact with your son?

I filed and obtained a protection order on her bf, go to court June 27th to find out what the judge wants to do.

The exgf is still not seeing the seriousness of this situation and is not concerned.

We used to have a forum member with a wonderful mantra... .

"You talk to her too much."

And she does it again!


Her

K. I just got out, need to drop (bf) off and then will b there. Sorry, bible study went over hours

Me

I told you to keep our personal lives out of our conversations. I do not care to hear about your abusive bf

One more reference to him and I will find an interpreter for us, I hope you get this because I'm sick of explaining it to you


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Same old S*** every damn conversation

the dynamic isnt changing JerryRG; youre expecting her to change it, and youre just saying it louder each time (belief that if we say it louder we will be heard being one of the Ten Beliefs That Keep Us Stuck)

boundaries are for you, not her.

This sounds like what a buddy told me the other week,  "Are you sure you're divorced?  You sure talk a lot. "

JRG,

You're angry and have a right to be based upon the false accusations,  and the TRO to keep your son safe is added stress.  It's necessary to assert boundaries,  because pwBPD often don't have them.  Your anger sounds like it's bleeding into your communications.  Is this helpful in the long run given that you have to parent with this person for the next decade? Wouldn't BIFF be more appropriate,  especially given that you are in the middle of a legal case,  and your communication might be evidence? Be Bland,  Boring,  Emotionless.  Beyond Spock: Sarek. BIFF the boundary about not wanting to hear about the bf. I look upon my situation as business: the business of raising the kids.  When I engage emotionally,  it telegraphs engagement rather than detachment with boundaries. 

So what do I do? Everytime I ask about my son she refers to her health or not sleeping or her bf, or something else I care absolutely nothing about.

Just accept she's going to manipulate me each and every second we talk? Does she know she's being inappropriate and disrespectful and is she clinging to me for some stupid reason? She said when we were in the hospital a few weeks ago she missed me as her best friend. SHE'S NOT A FRIEND, She's a sick, mean, cruel person who because she refused to get help our son is being harmed by bouncing from home to home and all the little guy wants is a quiet life where he's safe and secure.