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I thought we were getting on as friends, we are so close that we were both so happy we could still be talking everyday but then I was recycled and I can't watch this. I cant stand to see him flirting with other girls on insta as I deserve better. You cant run away from our relationship as youre scared of your feelings for e then do the same with someone else. I am a person with feelings too. Even friends deserve respect so I've blocked him and got a new number.!it's his loss as I dont think he'll ever meet a more understanding girl

I miss him and I'm hurting like hell but I need to find myself again.

"Even flowers grow back after they are stepped on and so will I"

Hi Raspberry,

I can understand how you must feel right now, an awful feeling. I love what you said though about your worth and his loss.

They say Healing isn't so much about processing your feelings as honouring them. Now you can put yourself first and put your energy into creating happiness for yourself. As you slowly shift your paradigm to seeing your true worth you can have a wonderful journey without the one bringing you pain, or care-taking another adult.

I am glad you are processing your thoughts and what you want in a relationship and friendship. Those are your boundaries, wishes and non negotiables. Stick to them for your best interests.

I wish you peace and rest on your journey. Hugs.

You do deserve better than this. Take that to heart. Relationships with pwBPD do take a toll on the spirit.

Friends after a relationship is a tough endeavor. We like to pretend we can be friends.

It's a tough act. A friend would be okay to watch the other date. That is the essence of a friendship.

Sometimes we push to friends too early; we want a slow exit. It's tough and you should take pause move away a bit.

You may not be ready to be friends; and that is OKAY!

Remember, you do deserve better than this. You deserve kindness and consideration.

Good luck to you.

Thank you both so much. I am just exhausted.

That hes getting involved messaging other girls a week after we went to "close friends" is the part that I can't get my head around. I must have meant nothing even though even this week I meant everything.  He can't expect me to be a doormat and I won't be. This will heal and get better, right?

Sometimes to get better, we need to step away; far away.

From what I experienced, a pwBPD will always be there for a friendship.

No time or place can prevent that.

This time is your time. Take the moment you need to be who you were. Take the moment to understand the lesson here and be who you will be.

The pwBPD will likely be tied to your life if want. You have the power to determine the role the play in your life, they don't.

You might seem like a doormat and that is because you have to find your worth again. Find it. Then the friendship can be there if you want.


Oh and never doubt, you did mean a great deal to the pwBPD.

Can I ask--what do you mean by this?

That's just his experience I wouldn't incorporate it into your own. I will never hear from my ex again even though she stated we could be friends.

You were probably a compassionate and understanding person to him and he thinks that flirting with those people will no upset you or not make you upset enough that you lash out or make him feel bad  The girls he is flirting with will probably end up thinking that he is very into them or wanting to start a relationship and will end up getting the "just"friend speech. People with this disorder tend to bounce around from person to person... .I dont think they mean it to be hurtful... .they just dont have the emotional intelligence to understand the pain they cause.

A man with BPD that I was deeply in love with let me find out about his new love on Facebook. Said he had to work on himself before he could be committed to some one or even seriously date anymore... .not even a week later claimed love and started writing poems back and forth via facebook with a former coworker he and I had met up for lunch with once. I certainly let it shatter me. Took me a year to forgive and be friends again only to be discarded for another female "friend" and another... .

I'm sorry you are going through this, RaspBerry.

It's tough, but just keep on trucking knowing that you deserve much better. I can only imagine my own ex probably replaced me today when she sent the text saying that she's cutting contact with me forever. But hey, it's a great way to start her new relationship by having sex with me two days prior.

They aren't worth it. I am honestly relieved that she's gone for good. By the time she comes around thinking about me again, I've probably moved to another state.

Hi Raspberry,

I'm very sorry that you are hurting so much. I can really relate to your feelings. This beginning stage is SO difficult.  


I can hear the strength in your words, Raspberry. Hold on to this realization. You deserve to be loved, cherished, and respected. Don't settle for less.


Yes, it will. Definitely. But it might get worse before it gets better. Dig deep and find that place inside of you that knows you can heal and thrive again. We're here to help every step of the way.

heartandwhole

I can relate with feeling exhausted, both emotionally and physically.  The emotions are so strong they drain you in every way. 

Being a doormat is something you need to be aware of.  He quite likely doesn't even understand how his actions impact others.  This is a boundary that you need to set for yourself.  Sometimes enforcing it means putting distance between you and the person who is treating you this way.  Be confident in your choice to protect yourself!

It will get better with time.  Sometimes it will be hard but know we are here for you every step of the way.   

Raspberry, I'm sorry to hear this. The thing about friendship between men and women is that it can only work if there is absolutely 0 emotions/attraction on both sides.

I've been in your shoes multiple times with my ex. We can't be friends, never worked out. In spite of her sending out vague signals of interest and a lot of push pull it always ended in disaster. She found a replacement every time and forgot all about me like we never met. She forgot everything I did for her, all my support, kind words, encouragement, history we shared... all of it gone in an instant. So I know exactly how you feel.

Eventually I just got tired of being burned, I don't take the bait anymore.

If you think about it carefully, you're putting your life on hold for someone else. Someone who's incapable of returning the favour, who doesn't appreciate your part in their lives. What helpes me is to question everything. Everything from the good memories to the way she looks to my opinion of her to my own emotions regarding anything about her. Everything. Ask "WHY?". If you're honest with yourself and keep questioning everything you think you believe you'll soon arrive at a better place, the whole thing should start to matter less to you, and hopefully in time you'll see that it's simply not worth it.

Now I sometimes think to myself, "did I actually lose anything?". No.

"If she came back RIGHT NOW, would that make me happy?" I don't think so, the idea seems less appealing to me, I don't get excited about it.

"Why is she important?" I don't know, is she even? Etc...

It's a work in progress, it requires effort, sometimes I still feel some regret, but I've decided this needs to end, now. It's no way to live your life. There are better people for us out there.

Its pony that this has happened and I'm sorry to hear you are in pain.

I'm in a similar place although I don't know for sure she has a replacement but knowing her the way I do and off the back of what she's told me about her past relationships, triangulating partners etc I'm pretty confident that's what has been happening whilst she was pulling me back through the emotional wringer. It's one of the reasons I went no contact. I don't want to be close to her and watching that unfold in front of me. I can't imagine how painful that must be for you. I know my ex will look for a way to make sure I find out at some point.

Just hang in there and know you've got this place to come too.