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Title: nightmare Post by: Venny on June 20, 2016, 03:10:20 AM I just had the worst most vivid nightmare. I've been a mess since leaving her for valid reasons 3 months ago but have never had this happen. I've been very sad but now it's even haunting my sleep. The dream was essentially me coming home and her running downstairs naked concealing the obvious fact she was sleeping with someone else. When finally in a spot she cannot deny she admits to it. This is what real life was like. And I never actually saw who it was or the actual act just like in real life but I know it's true. I woke up yelling and crying uncontrollably. I'm at a friend's wedding that her and I had planned on for over a year. I loved her despite all the ___ and typically was waiting it out knowing now it would have never changed. I feel so permanently damaged. I have never loved anyone like I did her. What we had was amazing but likely all a lie. She wrote me an email last week and part of it said "I hope someday you can be happy again and in love" that kills me. It's like she is flat out saying it was a lie. She acknowledges how much she has destroyed me yet jus
t does it anyway. I know I did nothing to deserve it but I don't know what to do. We spoke at length about not cheating ext. I just want the pain yo stop Title: Re: nightmare Post by: seenr on June 20, 2016, 03:42:12 AM Hi Venny
I think this is all part of it, life post a BPD. I had a dream at 4.30AM saturday but it was a different one. It was me at a house, where I was with two ladies. I went to my bed and one followed me. She was a girl who was interested in me 23 years ago when I was 19. I woke up, no yelling but my heart was racing. I wrote on another thread that I think it is our mind's way of dealing with the trauma that has gone on. I completely understand the pain you are in - for me even thinking about kissing anyone else makes me feel sick. I think she will move on before me but long term who will find what they are looking for? If you did nothing to deserve her behaviour then at least you know that and should repeat it to yourself daily. |