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Now i have been on a holiday on a sunny island for almost a two weeks. After 8 weeks of NC with my ex and i finally felt i was making progress. I went alone on this holiday and that is ok i have had alot of new friends. But today, just today something is diffrent some low point and i have been in all day and said to my friends i'm feeling sick. Nothing is wrong with me i just really want to be alone and almost cry i miss my BPDex.

Why on earth after all this time and after everything she have said to my do i miss her so so extreamly much. Why can i admit it to the world i loved this sick persone and i still love her. Is something wrong with me? Have you never think about something is wrong with us? She is pulling me down long after she is gone and without doing anything i'm doing it all by myself.

Hopefully it help a little bit to write about my feelings today. I'm not going to talk about it to my new friends :)

Just wrote almost the exact same thing on another thread my man.

Am receiving counselling, all going good, great session last night and it felt like massive progress. Then I wake up this morning, knowing I am going to see her later to collect my son and I am anxious, sick, nervous, miss her all day.

I think it is just wanting the day to day routine back and that relationship with her where we had a lot of good times. I still think I can erase the bad times, but I can't - that is just impossible.

Know how you are feeling - it's horrible.

Don't feel bad. I am obsessed with my ex and still see her as the only person I want to spend my life with lol. She doesn't care for me at all though and I will never see or hear from her again. She is the cut off type.

Cut off type i think i know what it means but can someone explain it for me. I think my ex can be like that.

She cut off contact with me forever after she discarded and replaced me. She never contacts her exes she only moved forward to new replacements. Never a recycle.

Yeah so sad. She never wanted to talk. Just painted me black forever. It is so good to tell someone to go to hell and never talk to him again. I could never have such thing on my soul but she can i guess.

Yea I really don't know how she does it. It kills me not being able to at least be friends.

hi luckyclover 

i spent a lot of time post breakup shaming myself for feeling anything toward my ex. i thought something was wrong with me too.

it was relieving, and a feeling of incredible freedom when i realized it is not only okay, it is healthy to mourn and grieve. to give yourself permission to do this is progress.