BPDFamily.com

My uBPDbf has been asking me for months to help him with his website. He has never actually given me access though. Maybe he doesn't know how. He doesn't speak the lingo so tech terms tend to frustrate him. He finally hired a company to update it for him so now he's only asking me to review it and make suggestions for improvements so he can pass along to them.

I know this isn't meant to be a trap, but I can see how easily I could fall into one here. He's ultra-sensitive to criticism. And there is a lot to criticize! His website is a mess... .every single page has glaring errors. Easy to fix, but a lot of them. I'm worried if I point out too many problems, he'll get overwhelmed and upset. And if I don't give honest feedback, he'll be stuck with a pitiful website that continues to hurt his business, which is worsening his depression. He's been worried about money a lot lately as his business has slowed way down. I don't know how to help without making things worse... .

Any advice on how to give suggestions without setting him off?

Avoid

"that would be better this way"

"you should do this'

"I dont like that way that is"

Try

"How would it look to you if you tried doing X?"

"What looks like it could do with improving the most on that page?"

"what alternatives ways can you think of doing X?"

in other words constantly ask for his input on any potential changes, especially before making any suggestions yourself. Even if he says "I dont know, what do you reckon?" You have lead by not assuming (or giving the impression) that you know better.

Start with only addressing any serious flaws.

Its a bit like when a MIL starts lecturing you on how to bring up your kids.

Any chance of him getting feedback from the source who did the update, or perhaps from a customer or two, family member or friend?

It is easy to concentrate and work on something and lose your objectivity.  Anyone who views the website for the first time and goes for a test run, should be able to offer valuable feedback. 

It can be tough to back down from "pride of ownership" for his work.  Optimizing the website for the "eyes of the customer" might not match his taste, but it will be wise for business.   

Thank you for the advice! I don't want to hurt his feelings or frustrate him. I regularly update my website for work, and I come across many similar to his - which is why I think he asked for my input. Some are really effective and eye-catching, some are pretty useless. His is somewhere in between. Overall looks ok, but at a closer look... .loaded with typos, missing links, inconsistent fonts, sizes, etc. His phone number is also too small and hard to find. He's been complaining about business being slow. No wonder!

He came up with a good solution - he invited me to meet with him and the web guy next week. This should work out better. It's the same person my company uses so I know him very well. Nice guy, laid back. I think if I ask the guy to make his phone# more visible and run a spell-check, rather than go page by page pointing them out, it would be less overwhelming for my bf to hear. I can also let the other guy explain the other things. He does a much better job talking in layman's terms - where I stumble even to explain what a hyperlink is! You know, where you click on this icon and it takes you to another page. I can see it now... .what's an icon?  

I'm relieved now. Thought I was going to have to go page by page pointing out flaws, and I didn't think I could manage techie speak thru a BPD filter! Now I won't have to. :)