BPDFamily.com

I was listening to a song today as I was driving and it just hit me so hard. I don't think the entire lyrics apply to what I'm feeling and have felt over the past couple of years, but so many resonated. It's a lesser known song by Ed Sheerhan called "Sunburn". If you search it on youtube you can find an audio track. I'll put the lyrics below, but what really hit me hard was the closing stanza:

Don’t drop me in

It’s not my turn

If you cut deep

Then I might learn

You scarred and left me

Like a sunburn

I feel so much that while the pain of what I'm going through right now (headed for likely divorce) really could be described as like a sunburn in the grand scheme. It hurts like hell, but ultimately it will go away and you will feel better eventually. Also the thought of being scarred and burned by something bright and often lovely like the sun, that also rings true. The early days were pure bliss but leaving myself exposed and unguarded caused a searing burn that is still hurting like crazy. Hope others find this helpful or meaningful in some way. I'll post full lyrics below and if you haven't heard it, strongly encourage you to look it up. One of his most beautiful and touching songs.



You’re not her

Though I try to see you differently

I tow the line

You see, I’m searching for what used to be mine

I saw your eyes

And then I saw her staring back at me

And I will try to find another one

Who suited me as well as her

I've moved far away from you

And I want to see you here beside me, dear

But things aren’t clear

When we never even tried

We never even talked

We never even thought in the long run

Whenever it was painful

Whenever I was away

I’d miss you

I miss you

She was mine

I was hers

And all that’s in between

If she would cry

I would shelter her

And keep her from the darkness that will be

If I moved far away from you

And I want to see you here beside me, dear

But things aren’t clear

We never even tried

We never even talked

We never even thought in the long run

Whenever it was painful

Whenever I was away

I’d miss you

And I miss you

Don’t drop me in

It’s not my turn

If you cut deep

Then I might learn

If you scar and leave me

Like a sunburn

Don’t drop me in

It’s not my turn

If you cut deep

Then I might learn

You scarred and left me

Like a sunburn

We never even tried

We never even talked

We never even thought in the long run

Whenever it was painful

Whenever I was away

I’d miss you

I miss you

I heard a song the other day that also reminded me of my uBPDw.  It's called "Never Wrong" by Disturbed.  The song and the name of the band are both very fitting! I'd post the lyrics but there would be a lot of censoring with a lot of the words  :)

The smile, the charm, the words, the spark,

Everything, you had it

I guess I had a naive heart, cause boy,

I let you have it

You said I was your only,

I never thought you'd leave me lonely

You're just a lost boy, with your head up in the clouds

You're just a lost boy, never keep your feet on the ground

You're always gonna fly away, just because you know you can

You're never gonna learn there's no such place as Neverland

You don't understand

You'll never grow up

You're never gonna be a man,

Peter Pan

Deep down, I knew that you were too good to be true

But every piece and part of me wanted to believe in you

But now it's happily ever never

I guess now I know better

You're just a lost boy, with your head up in the clouds

You're just a lost boy, never keep your feet on the ground

You're always gonna fly away, just because you know you can

You're never gonna learn there's no such place as Neverland

You don't understand

You'll never grow up

You're never gonna be a man,

Peter Pan

You're just a lost boy, yeah, I know who you are

You don't know what you lost, boy,

You're too busy chasing stars

And you're always gonna fly away, just because you know you can

You're never gonna learn there's no such place as Neverland

You don't understand

You'll never grow up

You're never gonna be a man

You're never grow up

Yeah you're never gonna be a man,

Peter Pan

Never gonna be a man

Kelsea Ballerini "Peter Pan"

I had a dream about a burning house

You were stuck inside, I couldn't get you out

I laid beside you and pulled you close

And the two of us went up in smoke

Love isn't all that it seems I did you wrong

I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone

I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night

Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right

I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire

But it's the only place that I can hold you tight

In this burning house

See you at a party and you look the same

I could take you back but people don't ever change

Wish that we could go back in time

I'd be the one you thought you'd find

Love isn't all that it seems I did you wrong

I'll stay here with you until this dream is gone

I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night

Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right

I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire

But it's the only place that I can hold you tight

In this burning house

The flames are getting bigger now

In this burning house

I can hold on to you somehow

In this burning house

Oh, and I don't wanna wake up

In this burning house

And I've been sleepwalking, been wandering all night

Trying to take what's lost and broke and make it right

I've been sleepwalking too close to the fire

But it's the only place that I can hold you tight

In this burning house

Cam "Burning House"

My personal favorite, the last verse to Paradise by the Dashboard Lights!

I couldn't take it any longer

Lord I was crazed

And when the feeling came upon me

Like a tidal wave

I started swearing to my god

And on my mother's grave

That I would love you to the end of time

I swore I would love you to the end of time

So now I'm praying for the end of time

To hurry up and arrive

'Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you

I don't think that I can really survive

I'll never break my promise or forget my vow

But God only knows what I can do right now

I'm praying for the end of time

It's all I can do (ooh, ooh)

I'm praying for the end of time

So I can end my time with you

This is mine

From walking home and talking loads

To seeing shows in evening clothes with you

From nervous touch and getting drunk

To staying up and waking up with you

But now we're slipping at the edge

Holding something we don't need

All this delusion in our heads

Is gonna bring us to our knees

So come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

Everything that's broke

Leave it to the breeze

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

And I'll be me

From throwing clothes across the floor

To teeth and claws and slamming doors at you

If this is all we're living for

Why are we doing it, doing it, doing it anymore?

I used to recognize myself

It's funny how reflections change

When we're becoming something else

I think it's time to walk away

So come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

Everything that's broke

Leave it to the breeze

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

And I'll be me

Trying to fit your hand inside of mine

When we know it just don't belong

There's no force on earth

Could make it feel right, no

Whoa

Trying to push this problem up the hill

When it's just too heavy to hold

Think now's the time to let it slide

So come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

Everything that's broke

Leave it to the breeze

Let the ashes fall

Forget about me

Come on, let it go

Just let it be

Why don't you be you

And I'll be me?

And I'll be me

James bay let it go