BPDFamily.com

It’s becoming increasingly clear the more I read that my ex fits the profile of someone with quite severe BPD/NPD and it’s heartbreaking because it seems there is little I can do to help him, or change any of it. I don’t have the skills to cope with it. I’m already worn down to almost the point of no return. I am scared of him, scared that he will take away the last of my self-worth and the light goes completely out. I have a little left and I’ve already started building myself up. A new home away from all the confusion and chaos. Next is a new job. Then I can take up hobbies again, make new friends, get a dog, start a PhD, live my life again. But to do that I’ve got to let go and walk away from a person I love so much and this is the worst pain I’ve ever felt. And what about him? My heart goes out to him.

You are in a big dilemma Larmoyant & I know how you feel. Walking away from that one special person is so difficult because of the connection we feel with them. It is like they touch an inner smile inside us that nobody else can or will. No matter how bad it got, nobody else can compete with them.

But you are doing one positive thing - talking. People here understand as we have been through it. I know the hurt you are feeling right now. We all want to think of a happy future but in my experience the happiest the BPDex has ever been was for a 7 month period and there were still bad rows in that time.

It is like being with someone else will never match the ex but it is either that or accept being alone. A dilemma, a real dilemma.

To be blunt, I see no dilemma here. Why would any of us want someone else who will ever match the things that our pwBPD did? The idealization was not real, and the devaluation was abusive. Why would anyone want that? Wouldn't it be better to have something real and not painful? What is inside that makes us so desperate for the high that we are willing to endure the painful crash?

That being said, I totally get the sadness and hurt from walking away from someone that you love so much. But, being in a r/s composed of unrequited love is far from healthy. It's also far from sustainable. I would think that we'd all want to give the love that we are capable of giving to someone who is going to reciprocate.