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This has been playing on my mind today... .

When they turn angry at us -start to paint us black -is it because we have triggered painful subconscious memories at not receiving the proper protective nurturing environment -and they get angry when we try and hold them accountable-they see this as being "told off" or invalidated -and they internalize this as them not receiving unconditional love-triggering past painful wounds?

I would suspect that the answer to you question is that it depends on the person and the circumstance.

Many pwBPD paint the non black because they need to project their own feelings on an external source. It is a form of denial and a protective mechanism.

Hey cb, Agree w/Meili (above).  I would add that, in my view, their anger is generally directed at the closest person, normally the spouse or SO, though anyone in the inner circle at one time or another has usually incurred the "Wrath of the BPD"!

LuckyJim

The vindictive way they behave has more to do with misplaced anger toward themselves: It's projection. My uBPD exgf complained to me how it made her feel "uncomfortable" that I viewed her LinkedIn profile without adding her (even though she never uses it).  After she discarded me, she viewed my LinkedIn profile several days in a row without accept the request I sent to her after she addressed a concern about it. In other words, she did exactly what she accused me of doing. Her anger toward me was actually anger toward herself. She had deactivated her Facebook. However, she requested that I take down the pics of us on Facebook. The only way she could have seen them was by reactivating her account temporarily to spy on me. Again, this is what she accused me of doing.

Currently, closing in on 4 months after the discard, I am receiving bizarre  fake friend requests on Facebook, a "flying monkey" suggested I meet up with her at a festival in my ex's hometown (after not communicating with this person for six months... .the same weekend my ex officially reactivated her FB), regular calls from numbers I don't recognize, and regular LinkedIn "private user" views. Is it her? I don't know without a shadow of a doubt, but I'm about 95% certain. It's too much across too many platforms for it to be a coincidence. My point is, she is spying one me. It's making ME feel uncomfortable. When she originally made an issue out of me looking at her LinkedIn page once or twice she was really upset with HERSELF for doing things like this, NOT ME.

Let's face it: everyone in the inner circle sooner or later becomes the target of the pwBPD's rage.  It's almost unavoidable because those w/BPD have conflicts in virtually all of their relationships.  LJ

In my case there are people my ex won't rage at for fear of that person (that person is intimidating to my ex) is that the case for others as well or just me?

You're right, SMSS.  Of course there are exceptions and there were a few people that my Ex was afraid to rage at.  Generally, the exceptions were disordered individuals themselves!  LJ

Actually, my ex was afraid to rage at me until I started opening myself up to believing things were my fault. Things were so bad, I just felt like I needed to find some reason why things were me. So as I pushed myself more to find something I had done wrong, and apologize, the more she put things on me. My ex was way too afraid to rage at me, because before that, she knew I wouldn't put up with it. But she caught me in a really vulnerable place, and I cracked. Still to this day, I HATE that I did that to myself. I gave her this "permission" to run off on some delusional reality that I was at fault, and not her. The second I gave her that space, she threw everything on me, and RAN with it.