BPDFamily.com

"But we're different.  Our love will conquer all."

"We're destined to be together."

"God can get us through this."

"My BPD SO isn't as bad as the others."

"If we try harder we can make it work."

"If we can overcome the BPD our relationship will be amazing."

":)ivorce is wrong."

"We had something special and unique."

"I'll never find this kind of connection ever again."

"She was The One and now she's gone and I'll never be happy again."

Yeah, I have a lot of those feelings. He's not as bad as others, we were made for each other, if we could have overcome our problems the love would have been epic... .Many of these thoughts are stubbornly resistant to logic, self-education, acknowledgement of the fact that he moved on over a year ago. I'm a sick puppy.

Regarding your last thought,  it's a tough burden to place upon another person the responsibility for one's happiness.

I never thought she was The One (though she did me), but evaluating it post mortem,  I may have placed upon her that burden as well.  She's gone. I was and am relieved,  in a sense,  but I'm still unhappy.  I think I brought that into my r/s, as did she from a different perspective.

I had all of them except the God one (I am not religious).

Other ones included:

"We were made for each other"

"I can't see myself being with anyone else"

"We both need each other equally"

"One day she will get better" / "It will surely get better over time"

"If I just give her what she wants and do what she says, we will live happily ever after"

"She loves/needs me too much, she would never cheat on me"

"I can't just give up on this relationship, I need to make it work"

I think that many of us probably had/have those thoughts or something similar.

We all tend to believe that our situations are different from the next person's. But reading the stories of the people on this forum tells a completely different story. There are far too many similarities. It's scary in a sense. It's almost like there is a script that is being followed.

With regard to the second to last one:


You should probably be happy about that one. The type of connection that we have with our pwBPD is not something that any of us should actually want. It was damaging. It was unhealthy. It was unsustainable. It was, in some ways, about control and being controlled.

We should want a pure, healthy, loving, non-damaging, and sustainable connection with another person that does not center around control, but rather compromise.

These types of thoughts, and their corresponding actions, can tell us a great deal about ourselves if stop and take the time to listen to them and examine the true meaning behind them.

I have all these thoughts regularly still.

But... .I also am very aware that i think these things cause my BPDex wanted me to believe all that.

She wanted to proove her love for me in extreme ways, cause she had an unimagineable fear of abandonment at her core.

She wanted me to believe that love conquers all, until she revealed one day that wasn't true. That love wasn't real.

and i have been breaking my mind over that one sentence: "Love isn't real"... .

How could she say that, for me it was... .:-)

And probably that has been the hardest nut to crack in my whole post breakup agony. I have a temporary conclusion though.

Love isn't real to them because they take on a fantasy character through which they love you. it's a fantasy character that is much like you and built on mirroring and makebelieve. So when she said Love isn't real, i guess she meant this: The person i loved wasn't real, it was her pretending to be someone else to win my love over. She can't be in a relationship as herself cause a self does not really exists on her end, yet she needs a relationship in order to have a feeling of Self... .cause she borrows a self from whatever partner is around.

Love as we know it doesn't exist on 'the other side'... .