BPDFamily.com

Hello. This is my first time posting here. I am a very concerned mother with an adult child 36 years old who for years has struggled with low self esteem, impulsive behavior, depression, anxiety,  substance abuse and poor decision making. she was originally treated at a substance abuse center, given  some counseling, and put on medication for severe depression and anxiety disorder.   The facility which was treating her classified her as SMI and referred her to a new facility which was supposed to have more resources to help her.

Turns out the new place only gives medication and no counseling at all. She sees a psychiatrist for 15 minutes every 5 months. Not enough time for anyone to really be able to know a patient.  I do believe she suffers with depression and anxiety, but have long thought that there was much more going on. Its been an enemy I couldn't identify  until I read about BPD and thought... .thats my daughter!  I am here to see what I can learn about this disorder.

She will cut her arms, recently carved hate me into one of them, emotions go from I love you to I hate you in the same conversation, trust issues,  drugs, repeated  shoplifting charges. Is now facing jail time for an offense. Has inappropriate reactions if things are not said to her in a certain way, self hate, has fits of anger over the littlest things, thinks everyone is talking bad about her, constantly thinks everyone will leave her, inability to hold a job ... .

She may in fact being facing a jail sentence this time and I am just horrified to think of that. In many ways she is so childlike in her thoughts and behaviors. I feel responsible because I dont know how to help her.

I don't really have anyone to talk to about this so I am facing it alone. I know the folks on this site have experience with those with BPD. I was hoping to see if anyone here thinks she may have BPD. She has agreed to let me be her medical advocate and I hope to get her evaluated for this disorder. I understand that counseling is a main component for treatment. Do any of your loved ones with BPD go to counseling? If so, what kind seems to be the best? My main goal is to get her the help especially counseling that she needs. And to do everything I can to help mend her troubled mind. Thanks so much.  :'(

Hi  hereforever4her,

*welcome*

The other diagnoses could be valid. She also could be under-diagnosed.  If you have medical power of attorney (do you have exactly that,  or has your daughter just given permission for now to have you advocate for her? ), that's a start.  Many professionals might not have the experience to deal with personality disorders.  You may be able to find local support and resources here:  

https://www.nami.org

As for here,  you can take a look at the resources to the right sidebar of this board.  The communication tools can help reduce conflict and help you open up a dialog.  We often unintentionally trigger our loved ones with BPD. Understanding the behaviors and triggers can help.  

What's going on with the charges?  :)oes she have a lawyer,  or one appointed by the court?

Turkish

She goes to court later in the month. Hopefully we can get a court appointed lawyer as I don't have the means to hire one. I am just happy that she has agreed to let me help to advocate for her medical care. I think I need maybe a power of attorney, but not sure so still researching that. In her teen years, I was able to take her to counseling for depression, but when she became an adult I got cut off from helping her.  When court gets resolved one way or another, and with the proper paperwork giving me the power to help advocate, I am going to find counseling for her which I think is the biggest thing she needs. Medication alone does not seem to be helping much especially with her impulses. Learning ways to communicate with her, without the melt downs will be so helpful. I plan on reading everything on this site! Thanks so much. Being on this site, I realize I am not the only one facing this type of thing. For a long time, I felt like I was!

So glad to have you with us here on the Parenting Board!

When searching for a qualified therapist you may want to look for a trained DBT therapist or clinic near your daughter.  Does she live with you?

This resource has listings of well trained DBT therapists by state.  It is a good starting place:

www.behavioraltech.org/

If you don't see a group or therapist near you sometimes you can get a referral from one on the list.

lbjnltx

Does your daughter have a Care Manager thru your county?  If so, can you call them in and spearhead a treatment plan PRIOR to court?  I think it would speak volumes to the judge if you go in prepared with mental health treatment plan as this may prove your concern and determination in her mental health needs.  The judge may also provide leniency based on her agreement to complete treatment, possibly put her on probation (far better than doing time).

Good luck!

Good idea Bright Day Mom!

I tt a county judge to get fines and community service dropped for my d when I told him we had plans in place for residential treatment.

Great idea, Bright Day Mom!   Likewise, does your county have a mental health court as an alternative to regular court?  If so, you may have to make a specific application to that.  Seems the mental health courts have had a lot of good success so they would be worth researching.  

There is also an affordable, online DBT program if you have trouble finding DBT therapists in your area.  I don't have any experience with it so don't know if it is good or not, but it is run by a revovered pwBPD and a therapist so it looks interesting and compelling.

Best of luck!